GUARANTEES
TRAVELER (on an English train)—"Shall I have time to get a drink?"
GUARD—"Yes, sir."
TRAVELER—"Can you give me a guarantee that the train won't start?"
GUARD—"Yes, I'll take one with you!"
GUESTS
"Look here, Dinah," said Binks, as he opened a questionable egg at breakfast, "is this the freshest egg you can find?"
"Naw, suh," replied Dinah. "We done got a haff dozen laid diss mornin', suh, but de bishop's comin' down hyar in August, suh, and we's savin' all de fresh aigs for him, suh."