"Kind!" grunted the old man. "I wuz afeared ye'd git lost."
A fat woman entered a crowded street car and seizing a strap, stood directly in front of a man seated in the corner. As the car started she lunged against his newspaper and at the same time trod heavily on his toes.
As soon as he could extricate himself he rose and offered her his seat.
"You are very kind, sir," she said, panting for breath.
"Not at all, madam," he replied; "it's not kindness; it's simply self-defense."
KINGS AND RULERS
"I think," said the heir apparent, "that I will add music and dancing to my accomplishments."
"Aren't they rather light?"