"Oh, about fifteen cents," said the physician.
"Well, give me a quarter's worth, quick!" And he swallowed it. "I've got to catch that mule."
"I hope you are following my instructions carefully, Sandy—the pills three times a day and a drop of whisky at bedtime."
"Weeel, sir, I may be a wee bit behind wi' the pills, but I'm about six weeks in front wi' the whusky."
Rarely has a double meaning turned with more deadly effect upon an innocent perpetrator than in an advertisement lately appearing in a western newspaper. He wrote: "Wanted—a gentleman to undertake the sale of a patent medicine. The advertiser guarantees it will be profitable to the undertaker."
I firmly believe that if the whole materia medico could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would be all the better for mankind and all the worse for the fishes.—O.W. Holmes.