PATIENT—"Tell me candidly, Doc, do you think I'll pull through?"
DOCTOR—"Oh, you're bound to get well—you can't help yourself. The Medical Record shows that out of one hundred cases like yours, one per cent invariably recovers. I've treated ninety-nine cases, and every one of them died. Why, man alive, you can't die if you try! There's no humbug in statistics."
STEAK
"Can I get a steak here and catch the one o'clock train?"
"It depends on your teeth, sir."
STEAM
"Can you tell what steam is?" asked the examiner.
"Why, sure, sir," replied Patrick confidently. "Steam is—Why—er—it's wather thos's gone crazy wid the heat."