[(a)] "Sufficiently master of Latin and Greek,"
You now, with the Graces, acquaintance must seek,
On Ida, we're told, the fair Goddesses dwell,
Invoke them by strong incantation, and spell,
Your incense once paid, on their candour rely,
"[(b)]With ardour pursu'd, they of course will comply;
"[(c)]So well know the poets their use my good friend,
"They make 'em, all three, upon Venus attend;
"And surely, if Venus, attractions cou'd need,
"Minerva, ungrac'd, cannot hope to succeed;"
Courage! mon garcon, throw the pedant aside,
And 'stead of friend [1]Harte, adopt me for your guide,
In courts, at ruells, you can ne'er hope to shine,
Unless with the virtues, the Graces combine:
I beg you'll acquire, or we ne'er shall agree,
The air, the tournure, de la bonne compagnie,
"[(d)] This soon among people of fash'on you'll catch,
"If careful you are, their behav'our to watch;
"Observe their address, and pray likewise contrive,
"Deep into the springs of their actions, to dive:
"'Bove all things, have art to discover each failing,
"Their merit particular, weakness prevailing;
"This accomplish'd, advantage you'll infinite reap,
"And may safe of their heads, and their hearts, take a peep."
Form friendships, but let it be only with those
On whose fond credulity you may impose;
Their confidence gain'd, unsuspected you'll soon,
Discover their secrets, and make them your own;
'Tis of honor no breach, to betray thus a friend,
If you find, to your int'rest, 'twill visibly tend:
These maxims, thro' life, I wou'd have you pursue,
I practis'd them once, and now hand them to you;
Successful they were, they brought honors and fame,
For still I had art to preserve my good name;
"[(e)] 'Twere wrong to suppose, what the polish'd world say;
"That in manners, and carr'age, you're horrid outré;"
"Your air [2]Pollissôn, and the taste of your cloaths,
"Makes you pass for a Bourgeois that nobody knows;
"In short, that you want, since the truth I must own,
"[3]Tous ces petits riens qui donnent le bon ton."
"[(f)] I happen'd, by chance, to step in tother day,
"To a print-shop, that luckily, stood in my way,
"Where a print, for your use, I took pains to select,
"And hope to my taste, you will pay due respect;
"'Tis of drawing the school, from a famous design
"Of Carlo Marratti, who stood first in the line
"Of eminent painters, in Europe that drew,"
Admir'd, by all lovers of taste, and Virtu:
"In the grey-headed sage the great master you see,
"His scholars he points to, in this you'll agree.
"Their several studies, on which he must speak,
"Are Perspective, Geometry, and statues antique:"
Of each, you a specimen fair will behold.—
But matters, so obvious, you scarce need be told.
"On the two former subjects, be pleas'd to observe,
"That quantum sufficit, of either, will serve;
"With regard to the latter, he clearly hath shewn,
"That never enough on that head can be known:"
But now to my favourite, much admir'd theme,
For which, I the Artist, immortal esteem
To you, with instruction divine it is fraught,
Not Apelles could more have excell'd in the thought.
"At top of the piece, in the clouds you will see,
"With dignity seated, the Graces All Three;
"And over them written this sentence quite plain,—
"Without us, depend on't, all labour is vain."
"Thus much for description, the print I shall send,
"With all possible speed by the hands of a friend,"
"And beg, adoration you will to it pay,
"Such as Catholics use to their saints when they pray:
"An ear, to my precepts, I hope you will lend,
"[(g)] Nor think, that those Graces, so oft' I commend,
"Must only [4]les jours de grand Gala be worn,
"Since each word, and action, they're meant to adorn."
"Your coffee to see you ungracefully sip,"
I know, beyond measure, would give me the hyp,
"If, by holding it aukward, your cloaths you should slop,"
In a fit, off my chair, I shou'd suddenly drop;
Nor less shou'd I feel, were I destin'd to view,
"A button'd up coat, or a wry buckled shoe:
"Good God! how excessively shocking my doom,
"If when I first see you come into my room;
"[(h)] Two aukward left legs, and a taylor-like air,
"My sight shou'd accost,"—by the Graces I swear,
All ties of affinity I shou'd disclaim,
And deem you, henceforth, a disgrace to my name.
"Your dress to correct, and your carriage to mend,
"Let le Tailleur, and what's more [5]Marcel stand your friend;
"Marcel, I'm persuaded, will soon teach you how,
"To turn out your toes, and to make a good bow;
"Nor do I despair, but he'll fashon outright,
"Your arms too, and legs, which are both in sad plight:
"Attend on his lessons, with diligent care,
"Of him you'll acquire, tous les Graces, les manieres;"
More useful, than classical knowledge, this art
"To deceive, we must first gain access to the heart;
"[(i)] The heart once engag'd," mind your mood, and your tense,
"And I'll venture my life you impose on the sense;
"This doctrine is orthodox, practis'd by me,
"—Address, is with Statesmen, the true master-key.
"[(j)] I greatly am chagrin'd, to find that you still
"Are absent, distrait, and present yourself ill,"
"That napkin, and bread, your knife, fork, and spoon,
"Where ever you dine, are thrown constantly down;"
To the infinite terror, I'm sorry to say,
Of the company's legs, that within their reach lay:
"Your dress and your person, you likewise neglect,"
A proof that my counsel you mean to reject;
From which I infer, that you ne'er will acquire,
"That tournure, those Graces," I so much admire:
"With the dead, I a thousand times better am pleas'd,
"Than a man who with fits of distraction is seiz'd;
"For tho' the defunct, no amusement can give,
"From him I no mark of contempt shall receive;
"So absent you seem, I am led to surmize,
"You seldom make use of your ears or your eyes;
"It therefore seems highly expedient to me,
"A flapper shou'd rouze you from this reverie;"
"But mark, on the subject, a word entres nous—
"For this new domestic I pay not a sous:
"That office, friend [6]Christian, must gratis discharge,"
Nor suffer you, solus, to wander at large,
Least strangers, that seldom their censure restrain,
Viva voce, shou'd deem you—a person insane:
"The use of those flappers, in Swift you may read,
"Of them the Laputans, your allies, stood in need;
"Whose minds, like to yours, by intense speculations,
"Were too much ingross'd to have useful sensations;
"And but for those flappers, I think there's no doubt
"Their brains 'gainst the posts, they had fairly beat out;"
The sum of my doctrine is [7]point des grimaces
Et point de distraction, mais souvenir les graces.
"[(k)] If you, at my table, shou'd meet Mr. L.
"A fatal catastrophy I can foretell,"
"Your heads, 'gainst each other, you'll merciless hit,
"And you'll haggle your fingers, instead of the meat;
"'Tis probable too," this deponent here saith,
"You both, may in winter, be scalded to death,
"By th'hasty infusion of soup boiling hot;"—
But more, on this head, this deponent says not.