[(a)] I well am inform'd, there is still in your speech,
"A most disagreeable hobble, or hitch;"
Not yet to have conquer'd bad habits, dear Phil,
With me, needs must wear the appearance of ill;
Still falsely attach'd to the errors of youth,
Still aukward in manners, in speech still uncouth:
I dare not the flattering hope entertain,
That you, as an orator, credit will gain;
If so, to my pride 'twill an overthrow be,
And certain disgrace must accrue unto thee:
"[(b)] At Athens, to orat'ry, such the respect,
"That of it, herb women, were judges correct:"
But lest my assertion with you shou'd want weight,
I'll venture a story in point to relate:
Theophrastus, at Athens, one day in the street,
By chance, with an herb-woman, happen'd to meet;
A question he ask'd: he not speaking Greek pure,
A stranger she call'd him,—of this I am sure,
Thou art not of Athens, a city renown'd,
For oratory, elegance, learning profound:
Her judgment I praise, not mistaken was she,
It prov'd, that of Athens, no native was he:
Apply to yourself, what above I have wrote,
That you, thro' neglect, may no stranger be thought:
I ne'er can the study enough recommend,
Your fortune, and character, on it depend;
My protection you'll forfeit, the truth I must speak,
[(c)] Unless you a figure in Parliament make.
"[(d)] On carving, a hint I shall venture to give,
"Attention it claims, ev'ry day that you live:
"Do you carve with adroitness, the truth prithee own,
"Without hacking, at least half an hour cross a bone:
"Or spatt'ring the sauce in your company's faces,
"And into their pockets o'erturning the glasses;"
While labouring you seem, and at no common rate,
With your sleeve, all the time, in your next neighbour's plate?
Such aukward behaviour admits no excuse,
'Tis avoided with ease, by attention and use;
I therefore shall hope, that e'er this you are able,
To acquit yourself well at the head of a table:
The reverse shou'd it prove (which good heav'n avert)
Believe me, the shock, I but ill could support;
To find you distrait, aukward, clumsy, ill-bred,
And only in books, not in manners well read;
I frankly confess, I shall wish from my soul,
We two may be distant, as South from North pole.
With regard to your gallantry, much has been said,
'Tho silence profound, you observe on that head,
"[(e)] Your converse with women, respectful must be,
"But likewise observe au meme temps enjoué:
"[(f)] On score of their beauty, good sense, or their graces,
"The sex you may flatter, all times, in all cases;
"They love admiration, and think it can ne'er,
"On any conditions be purchas'd too dear:
"These hints from the sex, must with care be conceal'd,
"No mercy expect if they once are reveal'd;"
Revenge is their passion, and well I discern,
"[(g)] Like Orpheus, in pieces, by them you'd be torn:"
"[(h)] One maxim pray treasure as long as you live,
"No mark of contempt either sex will forgive;
"The vanity flatter'd of women, or men,
"Ensures you success with just nine out of ten:"
Resolve me a question I wish much to know,
"[(i)] Your passion, how stands it, for Madame de Blot?
"Does she list to your tale, are there hopes of success?
"To me, you the secret, may safely confess:
"On giving the mohair, occasion will serve,
"Pour faire le galant, which you'll doubtless observe;"
Te Deum I'll sing when the vict'ry is sure,—
'Tho much I suspect you'll not prove her meilcour;
"She, constant has been to her husband, they say,
"And married, poor soul! 'bove a year and a day;"
Small chance do you stand with a woman so chaste,—
Exclude her, at once, from the region of taste
A beauty obdurate, to lovers a score!
At Paris, the thing was ne'er heard of before;
By you, if the willow, for her must be worn,
No French woman she, in her heart, I'll be sworn.
"In all that you do, and whatever you say,
"I hope, to the Graces, you sacrifice pay,
"Assiduously courted, their favour you'll gain,"
So shall not, my labour of love, "be in vain."
F I N I S.
NUMBERED FOOTNOTES:
[1] Mr. Harte, Mr. Stanhope's tutor.
[2] Slovenly air.