I says to myself, “I will block that little game,” so I slips into a big hotel right quick. I can do that all right because I have got on my swell new clothes that Mr. Edgerton give me so I look like I belonged in one of them places. I goes into an elevator and slips off at the mezzanine floor and sits there a while in one of the soft plush seats and a gentleman comes along and spreads his feathers in front of me—you know they calls them places “Peacock Alley”—but I goes on staring straight in front of me and he sees that I am not his pea-hen and so he goes away. This is not the man that is following Mr. Edgerton and I you understand but just some feller that is intreeged by my swell new clothes.
I dont see any more of the one that was following us so I go out by another entrance and get home all right. But gee Mom we are really being spied on and I wonder how it is they can find us whether they have got the telephone wires tapped at the Elite Beauty Parlors or whether they have got one of the girls hired to tip them off to my dates. You never can tell when you are living in the great world and have the job of deciding what is to be taught to the whole American people. Gee Mom it is more thrilling than any movie that I ever was at!
Your excited
Mame.
LETTER IX
IN WHICH I DON’T GET WET
Dear Mom:
Well, I suppose you have saw in the papers how they are making a lot of fun of the Spokesman because of the story that He has got a camelephant in His room, so that He can get His exercise by riding on it every morning in His pajamas. It is like Mr. Edgerton said He was afraid it would be they are getting smart about it and not taking Him respectful like a great Man like Him had ought to be took.
This a. m. there was a girl in the Elite Beauty Parlors that had a paper and there was no customers so she was reading about it and then she begun telling it and they was all chuckling. It seems this smart aleck in the paper was saying that this camelephant went about the room with the Spokesman on the top of it and that it had got unruly and had bumped Him against the chandelier and the aleck said the camelephant was built so the electric contact was got through spurs and that you stopped it by pulling on a pair of rains and saying, “Ho!” And he said that why He had got a camelephant not a zebray was because a camelephant don’t have to be watered more than onced in three weeks and also because it was the emblem of the dries and so on a lot of silly stuff that it is a shame to write about a great Man that has got the hard job of governing and teaching the whole country.
Well it made me hot to listen to them sillies giggling there and I says, “That is all a bunch of nonsense,” I says, “that camelephant does not travel but it stays on one place and it goes when you press a button and the reason it is a camelephant not a zebray is got nothing to do with prohibition,” I says, “but because it is ordered for His liver and the camelephant is a beast that has got a very bumpy gate and it shakes you a lot when you ride on him.”