And sure enough he pulls out some papers from his pocket and there is a long printed list and he says these is civil service jobs for which there is to be examinations. “And let us see now,” and he studies it and he reads, “Geographer,” and he says, “Do you think you would like to be a Geographer?” And I says, “My God what does that do?” And then he reads, “Geologist,” and he says, “That might sound pretty good.”
But I says, “How can I pass an examination for such jobs as them?” and he says, “You do not have to worry about that we can pay somebody to do that for you,” he says, and then he reads, “Grammarian,” and he says, “There now I think that would be a fine job for you there is something cultured about being a Grammarian.”
“But dear me,” I says, “what would I have to do?” And he says, “You will not have to do nothing,” he says, “there is always an assistant that does the work for half as much,” he says. And I says, “Is that what they call economy?” and he says, “It is a system,” he says. “How could you keep politics going unless people had jobs in between elections? But it is common sense you can see that politicians do not have no time to learn to be geographers and geologists and grammarians and so there have got to be assistants that know that sort of work and keep the assistants’ jobs all the time no matter who gets elected,” he says.
And then he says, “You will be Grammarian to the Bureau of Indian Affairs of the Department of the Interior,” he says. And I says, “Can they put somebody off on a department like that?” And he says, “Oh sure it is done all the time there is the private secretary to the Spokeslady there was no provision for such but She wanted one so they put it off on the Interstate Trade Commission,” he says.
And he goes on to study the list and he says, “This is not a very good job for the salary is only $26 per week.” “Man alive,” I says, “that is more money than I have ever had all at once in my life I think!” He says, “You will find your tastes grow and in a year you will be wanting your own car,” he says.
And then he thinks a bit and he says, “Maybe we can get you an allowance for travelling expenses.” I says, “Does a Grammarian have to travel?” and he says, “We will have you made a Field Grammarian and then you will be able to go wherever you want to and that will be necessary anyhow because you see if it stays hot like this very long the Spokesman will be moving to His summer home and I will have to go there and so will you and it will be much better if you have a government position then because it will not look so bad if we are saw together in a small town.”
And then he looks at me a moment and he says kind of hesitating, “Miss Riggs, will you pardon me if I am extremely personal for a moment?” And I says, “Go to it,” and then he tells me that the fashion in the present Administration is for a different shade of ladies’ hair from what I have got. “The old Administration was what you might call a peroxide one,” he says, “but the present one runs to pastel shades and I think it would be easier for both of us if you was to tone yours down. I don’t know much about it, but I suppose there is ways.”
“Oh sure,” I says, “what have I been in a beauty parlors for? I can cut most of it off and wear some sort of a turban effect till the new color grows out,” I says. “Or I can cut it real short and say that I have had the typhoid fever or something.” And he says, “All right typhoid is more respectable than peroxide and when you have got that done we can go to better restaurants for our dinners.”
Well so then I says, “How is the missus getting along these days and has she said anything more about me?”
And he tells me that she has got something new to occupy her mind she is being syked—I don’t know if that quite the right word but it is the way it sounds and he explained to me the way to be syked there is a man and you pay him ten dollars an hour to listen to you tell him all your troubles and about your soul and he says that it is got to be the most fashionable thing for ladies to be syked. And I says, “It is a pretty expensive fashion it seems to me,” but he says, “My God no not at all this town is full of husbands that would pay a man ten dollars an hour to listen to their wife’s troubles all day long and the night too,” he says. “And it is a great relief to their friends as well.” And I says, “Then while she is being syked you and me can go to dinner,” and he says, “Exactly.”