When John, our fat butler, or Bridget, the cook, Have leisure for reading "some novelty book," They ne'er think of asking my leave to peruse, But help themselves freely to just what they choose: Making free with my novels is no novel plan, For They own Master Sam's such a useful Young Man!
Once Thomas, the footman, kissed Anne on the stairs, Who loudly squalled out, just to give herself airs; When my father ran down, in great anger, to see What the cause of the squeaking and squalling could be. Tom had bolted; but not till they'd settled a plan To throw all the blame on the Useful Young Man!
When the Opera we visit, I'm kept in the rear Of our box, and can scarce get a glimpse, I declare, Of the stage, or the audience;—so only remain, To trot up to Dubourg for punch à la Romaine, To run out for a book, or to pick up a fan:— Alas! what a drudge is a Useful Young Man!
But sad is my fate when I go to a rout. If a toothless old maid sits a partner without, The beaux are looked o'er, but they always agree To fix the agreeable task upon me; For to dance with all bores, 'tis the province of Sam, 'Deed the file of each victimised Useful Young Man!
If we're late at the dance, and no coach to be had, There's Sam! the dear fellow! the exquisite lad! He'll search all the stands in the town, but he'll gain A coach for his friends—though it's pelting with rain Oh! such are the pleasures—deny it who can— That fall to the lot of a Useful Young Man!
To be nice about trifles is not over wise; Where's the churl that finds favour in woman's bright eyes? To be nice about trifles, is trifling with folly, For the right end of life is but left to be jolly; So I'll make up my mind just to stick to this plan, And Pag out my terms as a Useful Young Man.
REMAINS OF HAJJI BABA.
CHAPTER V.
Having bought some spangled stuffs for the trousers of the harem of our exalted grand vizier, (upon whom be blessings!) and despatched them, with letters, to the foot of the Shah's throne by an express Tatar, I joined my Greek companions at the Adrianople Gate, and left Constantinople for the country of the Francs.