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Dear Captain Billy—What is the proper definition of an oyster?—G. Howie Snortz.
An oyster, Mr. Snortz, is a peculiar fish better known as a bivalve and looks like a nut.
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Dear Bilious Billy—Does cider really get hard enough to cause intoxication? I have a few gallons at home and do not care to indulge in strong drink?—Molly Coddle.
Hard? I should say it does, Molly. I drank three glasses one night last week while in Minneapolis and before long I thought I was crushed rock. Friends tell me I laid down on Nicollet Avenue and tried to pull the asphalt over me.
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Dear Captain—Is it quite proper for a lady to let her husband look at her Whiz Bang?—Lotta Ginger.
Quite right, we would say—providing, of course, that it’s Captain Billy’s.
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