Go to a tailor.
* * *
Dear Capt. Billy—I am ambitious for a career on the stage. Can you suggest an act that will be entirely new and up-to-date?—Art Gumm.
Why not try kicking a giraffe in the mouth?
* * *
Dear Cap—I am a member of a newly formed organization known as the “Woman Hater’s Union.” Could you suggest a motto for our association?—Fat Chance.
“Oh, kill me now and call it the end of a perfect day.”
* * *
Dear Skipper—When is a good girl not a good girl?—McNotty.
About half the time, we’d say.