I wonder that I don’t get corns

Upon my undertow.”

* * *

The first Tommy was ruddy of complexion, with a huge growth of beard of the hue known as auburn.

The second was smooth shaven. Said the latter: “I useter have a beard like that till I saw myself in the glass. Then I cut it off.”

But the bearded man was not dismayed.

“Much better ’ave left it on, mate,” he returned gently. “I useter have a face like yours till I saw it in the glass. Then I growed this beard.”

* * *

How Do They Get That Way?

Mother—Come, Bobbie, don’t be a little savage—kiss the lady.