Adventures of Sven
“Inside doings” in the motion picture camps of California, with real characters and true incidents, will be reeled off to Whiz Bang readers in this and subsequent issues under the character title of “Svens Peterson’s” letters to his Minnesota friends, with Whiz Bang Bill as the interlocutor. The Whiz Bang has increased its regular staff of war correspondents in Hollywood and Universal City now to four crack writers, who will bring to the readers of this great family journal first-hand gossip from the dressing-rooms.
Hallo! Uncle Billy:
Ay aint bane pretty gude writin’ faller, anyhow Ay yust take a chance. Ay skol tole you Ay yust got gude yob in moving picture studyo hyar in Loose Angels being actor faller.
One time in Minneapolis, faller tole may Ay yump yust so high lak Douglay Bareflanks so Ay yust sall may team an’ kom out hyar. Ay hang round studyo for ’bout sax week looking for yob. One day, faller with long chin an’ punkin-seed mustache kom out an’ hire me. He skol take all may clothes away for tray dollar a day to be Indian. Nother faller he paint me with whitewash brush all over red an’ before he paint me he grease me all over with lard so brush she slip gude You bat Ay look lak hal! Some girls jump and squeek when Ay kom out from dressing-koop. Pretty quick after Ay hang round for ’bout two hours in hot sun with lard frying on may back a faller called Director git sober up an’ tal me Ay skol stand by log house made of gunny-sack. Nother faller he soak me on head with tommy-axe for rehersal an’ ay bane be knock out. After we skol have rehersal ’bout fourteen times Ay git pretty mad an’ Ay yump on him’s neck an’ bust him’s yaw an’ den Director faller he yell “CAMERA” an’ a faller start grinding krank lak machine-gun. Nother faller turn switch-light on me so Ay skol go blind an’ den Ay gitting mad lak Devil an’ Ay lick Director an’ bust up camera an’ kick slats out of some extra fallers hangin’ ’round. Log house she fall down an’ bust up switch-lights an’ set fire on studyo. Faller run out from office an’ slip me tray dollar quick lak lightning an’ Ay lose may clothes an’ watch an’ Ay aint give a dam. Nother faller give me pants so Ay aint skol go to yail an’ nother faller hire me for prize-fight picture next week to lick Bulls in Montana.
Ay skol let you know how Ay git long just so quick as Ay am Star. Ay show them fallers how gude Swede actor put up moving picture show, Ay bat your life!
Your old friend,
SVENS PETERSON.
Post Chips—Please can you tole me where Ay can get gude book about how to shooting craps?