PENN AND CHARLES II.
When the celebrated Penn visited Charles II., the king, observing him keep on his hat, took off his own, and stood uncovered before his precise subject, who said, “Prithee, friend Charles, put on thy hat.” “No,” said the king; “it is customary for only one man to stand covered here.”
NO JOKE.
A gentleman whose grounds had the misfortune to lie near a public road, and were therefore much intruded upon, set up a board to scare offenders by the notification that steel-traps and spring-guns were set in these enclosures. This, however, being no more than the common warning, was totally disregarded: the grounds were just as much molested, and the fruit of the orchard as constantly stolen as ever. At length he caused to be painted in very large prominent letters below the other inscription—“No joke, by God!” which, it is stated, had the desired effect.
MAJOR LONGBOW.
A gentleman who had made a fortune abroad, returned in advanced life, like many other such persons, to tell long stories at home. Sensible of a natural weakness he possessed of exaggerating every thing he spoke of, he kept a sober Scotch servant, who was instructed to touch his shoulder whenever his fault began to be observable. One day he told a story of a fox which he had seen at Grenada with a tail ten feet long. The man touched his shoulder. “Well,” said he, “I am sure I speak within the mark, when I say the tail was eight feet.” Still David touched his shoulder. “Well, at least six feet.” Still a touch. “Well, three.” Still another touch, until, provoked at last by the servant’s incredulity—“What the devil!” says he, turning about, “would you have the fox to have had no tail at all!”
THE BROOM-SELLER.
Bacon was wont to commend much the saying of an old man at Buxton, who sold brooms. A young spendthrift came to him for a broom upon trust, to whom the old man said—“Friend, hast thou no money? borrow of thy back and of thy belly; they’ll never ask thee for it: I shall be dunning thee every day.
A SAILOR’S EXPLANATION.
A stranger, passing St. Paul’s cathedral, asked a sailor whom he met, what figures those were at the west front, to which it was answered, “The twelve apostles.” “How can that be,” inquired the stranger, “when there are but six of them?” “Damn your eyes!” said the tar, “would you have them all on deck at once!”