An officer of a disbanded regiment applying to his agent for his arrears, told him that he was in the most extreme want, and on the point of dying with hunger. The agent seeing him of a jovial and ruddy aspect, replied, that his countenance belied his complaint. “Good sir,” replied the officer, “for heaven’s sake! do not mistake; the visage you see is not mine, but my landlady’s; for she has fed me on trust for these two years.”
SINGULARITY AN ADVANTAGE.
A woman of excellent sense, and somewhat of a satiric turn of mind, was asked by her friends if she really intended to marry Mr. ——, adding, that Mr. —— was a good kind of man, but so very singular. “Well,” replied the lady, “so much the better; if he is very much unlike other men, he is more likely to make a good husband.”
LOOKING GLASSES.
Lady C——, an old coquette, and very fond of her reminiscences, and a censor of all present fashions and arts, looking into her glass, beheld sundry wrinkles, freckles, &c. “Now, here is my new glass,” said her ladyship, “not worth a farthing. They cannot make mirrors so well as they used to do.”
ABSENTERS.
A gentleman, on a tour through the west of England, happened to be at a very populous town on a Sunday, and being acquainted with the minister, he accompanied him to church, which, to his great surprise, was very thinly attended. As they were returning home, he asked his friend “if there were any dissenters in this town.” “No,” said the other, “but there are numerous absenters.”
A SHREWD GUESS.
A lad delivering milk, was asked what made it so warm. “I don’t know,” replied he with much simplicity, “unless they put in warm water instead of cold.”
AGRICULTURAL PUN.