A country lad went to be confirmed by the bishop, who, inquiring if he had learned his catechism, asked him how many commandments there were. “Forty,” replied Hodge. “Go home, child, and learn better,” said the bishop. On his return home, Hodge met a companion who was also going to be confirmed. “Stop,” said he, “do you know how many commandments there be?” “Yes, to be sure,” replied the other, “ten.” “Pshaw! you fool!” said the other; “I told the bishop forty, and that would not do. Go home, and learn better.”
SYMBOLS OF MARTYRDOM.
A satiric poet underwent a severe drubbing, and was observed to walk ever afterwards with a stick. “Mr. P. reminds me,” said a wag, “of some saints, who are always painted with the symbols of their martyrdom.”
AUCTION.
At Mr. Beckford’s sale at Fonthill, a gentleman purchased a bed at a very high price, and found, when it was knocked down to him, that he had bid against his most intimate acquaintance. This gentleman immediately came up, and, shaking him by the hand, made urgent enquiry after his health, which the purchaser of the bed assured him was never so well. “I am rejoiced to hear it,” said the other, “because, in that case, I am sure you will let me have the bargain.” “Nay, my dear friend,” said the purchaser, “what has that to do with it?” “Because,” said he, “if you are quite well, you cannot want to keep your bed.”
HALF THE CURE.
A gentleman, who drank very hard, being seized with a fever, had a consultation of physicians, and while they, in his bedroom, disputed about the best method of abating the thirst and curing the fever,—“Gentlemen,” said the patient, “permit me to put in a word, and I will engage to take half the trouble off your hands; do you cure the fever, and I will abate the thirst myself.”
JEREMY TAYLOR.
When Jeremy Taylor was introduced to the Archbishop of Canterbury, he was told by the prelate that his extreme youth was a bar to his present employment. “If your grace,” replied Taylor, “will excuse me this fault, I promise, if I live, to mend it.”
BORROWED FACE.