DROPPING A FEE.
A physician attending a lady several times, had received a couple of guineas each visit; at last, when he was going away, she gave him but one; at which he was surprised; and, looking on the floor, as if in search of something, she asked him what he looked for. “I believe, madam,” said he, “I have dropt a guinea.” “No, sir,” replied the lady; “it is I that have dropt it.”
SAILOR AND STAGE COACH.
An honest tar wishing to be coached up to town from Deptford, thought it a very unbecoming thing in him, who had just been paid off, and had plenty of money, not to have a whole coach to himself; so he took all the places, and seated himself upon the top. The coach was about to set off, when a gentleman appeared, who was holding an altercation with the coachman about the absurdity of his insisting that the seats were all taken and not a person in the coach. Jack, overhearing high words, thought, as he had paid full freight, he had a right to interfere, and inquired what was the matter? when, being told that the gentleman was much disappointed at not getting a seat, he replied, “You lubber, stow him away in the hold; but I’ll be d——d if he come upon deck.”
WIT INCURABLE.
A facetious character, whose talents for humour in private companies were the cause of his being always a guest in convivial societies, had, by late hours and attachment to the bottle, brought himself into a dropsy: insomuch, that the faculty, one and all, agreed nothing could save him but tapping. After much persuasion, he consented to the operation, and his surgeon and assistants arrived with the necessary apparatus. Bob was got out of bed, and the operator was on the point of introducing the trocar into the abdomen, when, as if suddenly recollecting himself, he bid the doctor stop. “What! are you afraid?” cried the surgeon. “No,” says the other; “but, upon recollection, it will not be proper to be tapped here; for nothing that has been tapped in this house ever lasted long.”
BLACK GUARDS.
A punster, on hearing that the clergy were about to embody themselves for the defence of their country, after making some observations on their sable attire, and how ill the sword would become it, exclaimed, “Oh! England, unhappy England! to what a condition are we reduced, when we are to be indebted for the defence of our rights and interests to a band of black guards!”
THAT’S MY THUNDER.
Dennis, the critic, was the author of a tragedy acted at Drury Lane, in 1709, called Appius and Virginia. For the advantage of his play, Mr. Dennis had invented a new kind of thunder, which the actors much approved of, and is the same made use of at the theatre to this day. Notwithstanding this aid, the tragedy failed. Some nights after, the author being in the pit at the representation of Macbeth, and hearing the thunder made use of, he arose in a rage, and exclaimed, “By G—d, that’s my thunder! See how these rascals use me; they will not let my play run, and yet they steal my thunder.”