Bate Dudley had been telling a story to the Anacreontic Club, which he purported to be entirely new, and which caused a great deal of laughter. Hewardine then observed, that the anecdote related by Mr. Dudley put him in mind of another nearly as facetious. He then repeated some venerable affair, which, whatever was its point, bore no more resemblance to Dudley’s, than a white egg to a black hen. When it was concluded, Dudley turned to Hewardine with a stare of surprise, and observed, “That was a very humorous circumstance; but I can’t see how my anecdote could remind you of it!” “No!” said Tom. “Why, I’ll tell you,—your story is at the top of the leaf, page 17, Miller’s old edition, and mine follows at the bottom!”
EVERY THING SHOULD STAND ON ITS OWN BOTTOM.
A sailor passing by a cooper’s shop, and seeing a number of tubs piled above each other at the door, began to kick and tumble them about the street. The master coming out, and desiring to know the reason of this strange proceeding, “D—n it,” replied Jack, “why should not every tub stand upon its own bottom?”
A FAMILY PIECE.
Mr. Fox having applied to a shopkeeper in Westminster for his vote and interest, the man produced a halter, with which he said he was ready to oblige him. The orator immediately replied, “I return you thanks, my friend, for your very polite offer; but I should be sorry to deprive you of so valuable a family piece.”
RETRACTATION.
Two gentlemen standing together, as a young lady passed them, one of them said, “There goes the handsomest woman I ever saw.” She hearing, turned round, and observing him to be very ugly, answered, “I wish, sir, I could, in return, say as much of you.” “So you may, madam,” said he, “and lie as I did.”
THE GOOD OLD “LAPSUS LINGUÆ.”
A gentleman’s servant bringing into the dining-room, where the company were all assembled, a nice roasted tongue, tripped as he entered the door, and spread the tongue and sauce on the carpet. The landlord, with much presence of mind, soon relieved the embarrassment of his guests as well as of the servant by saying, with great good humour, “There’s no harm done, gentlemen, ’tis merely a lapsus linguæ.” This fortunate play of words excited much merriment. A very sagacious gentleman, struck with the happy effect of the above accident, was determined to make a similar exhibition. He invited a large party, and when they were all assembled, he had directed his servant to let fall a piece of roast beef on the floor: the servant obeyed his injunctions; but the company felt hurt at the accident. “Be not uneasy, my friends,” cried the would-be witty landlord, “’tis only a lapsus linguæ.”
WIT IN TECHNICALS.