It is said that Publishers are getting up a series of Conversation-Books for the use of foreigners, visiting the Great Exhibition. But the spoken and written language of London are so different that it is feared these books will be of little use. Mr. PUNCH furnishes the following corrections of the two most important chapters, by the diligent study of which it is hoped that visitors may be enabled to ride and dine.
TO CONVERSE WITH A CABMAN.
| What the Book said. | What the Man said. |
| Do you wish, Sir, to ride in my cabriolet? | C'b? (from every driver on the rank, and as many fingers held up as there are Cabmen.) |
| Where do you wish, Sir, that I should drive you? | Vere to? (and a look.) |
| I wish to go to the Exposition. | |
| Thank you, Sir. I will drive you thither without delay. | Vere? (not understanding the foreigner's English.) |
| What is your fare? | |
| I have driven you two miles. My legal fare for driving you that distance is one shilling and four-pence. | Two bob and a tanner. |
| As you have driven fast, there is one shilling and sixpence. | |
| Thank you, Sir, I am very much obliged to you. | Vot's this? (and a look of contemptuous curiosity at the coin presented.) |
| I shall be happy to drive you in future. | Vel, if hever I drives a scaly furrinrr again, I'm blessed! |
| Good morning to you, Sir. | Ollo! You ain't a-goin' hoff in this 'ere way. |
| You have paid me handsomely. | Oh—you calls yourself a gentleman! |
TO CONVERSE WITH A WAITER.
| Waiter, what have you for dinner? | |
| You can have what you choose to order, Sir. | Din'r, Sir!—Yezzir! |
| Here is the bill of fare, Sir. | S'p, f'sh, ch'ps, st'ks, cutl't, Sir! r'nd o' b'f, Sir!—nice cut, Sir!—sad'l mt'n, Sir!—Yezzir! |
| —John, att'nd to the gnl'm.—Yezzir!—Jem, mon'y—com'n, Sir!—'Ere, Sir!—Yezzir! | |
| Waiter, how much have I to pay? | |
| Here, Sir, is your bill. | Money! (calling.) |
| Permit me to ask you what you have had to eat, Sir? | Now, Sir? (and an interrogative look.) |
| I have had a beef-steak, with boiled potatoes; I have also had a fried sole, and some bread, with Cheshire cheese, and a pint of porter. | St'k, Sir? Yezzir! shill'n, Sir! 'taters, Sir? Yezzir! twop'nce, that's one-and-three, and bread a penny, one-and-three and two is one-and-five, and sole, you said, Sir? Yezzir! that's one shilling: one-and-eight and five, thirteen, that's two-and-six; and cheese? |
| Sir, the price of all that is two shillings. | Yezzir! two-and-eight and four, that's three shill'n; and porter is four; three, four, eight, ten, fifteen—four-and-two. Thank you, Sir! Waiter, Sir? Thank you, Sir. Good afternoon, Sir. |
TO FIND ROOM IN A CROWDED OMNIBUS.
Conductor.—Would any gentleman mind going outside, to oblige a lady?
Unfortunate Gentleman (tightly wedged in at the back).—I should be very happy, but I only came, yesterday, out of the Fever Hospital.
[Omnibus clears in a minute!