THE boy who was “kept in” after school hours for bad orthography, and thus prevented from taking his place in the afternoon baseball match, explained to his captain that he was spell-bound.
EXCITED FARMER (to man with fishing tools): Look here, you can’t catch fish in this stream!
PISCATORIOUS: That’s all right. I won’t catch anything. I belong to the Washington Baseball Club.—Puck.
WOMAN (to tramp): If I give you a nice dinner will you help me put up some patent self-rolling window curtains?
TRAMP: No, ma’am. I’ll saw wood, carry in coal, or dig post holes, but I wouldn’t help a woman on window curtains if she gave me a Delmonico spread.—New York Sun.
Ocean gives up the following as fun when it states that a vessel resembles a prisoner when she is put in the dock, a witness when she is bound to a-pier, and a judge when she makes a trial trip. This little joke from the Ocean comes to us with the antique flavor of a chestnut.
LARRY: Your governor said last night, Jack, that he was not at all satisfied with the result of your last year at college.
“Well, by George! I got on the eleven, and pitched for the nine, and won first in the singles. What on earth does he want?” Such is Life.