Proverb à propos of latest New Waltz, "King Gretchen."—"It's the last Strauss that breaks the record."
Bawbees across the Border.—The Dundee Advertiser has recently published a table showing the distribution of Ministerial salaries amongst Peers, Liberal Unionists, and Scotchmen. According to our canny contemporary, "Scotland fares badly in the new Administration." The reason for this lament is found in the fact that the share of Caledonia—"the spoil is taken chiefly by the Clan Balfour," remarks the D. A.—amounts only to £12,425. And yet this sum represents the "banging" of a good many "saxpences." North Britain is unreasonable!
WASTING HER SWEETNESS.
(An Electioneering Study.)
Argument.—Mrs. Horace Honeyball, wife of the Liberal Candidate for a Metropolitan Working-class Constituency, has undertaken in her husband's interests a house-to-house canvass in Bodgers' Buildings.
Mrs. H. H. (to herself, as she threads her way through a grove of drying linen). "I do wish they would hang out their washing somewhere else—it's absolute ruin to one's hat! What a depressing place—but then they're all the more likely to be on our side. Have I got my canvassing cards and the bundle of leaflets? Yes—then I'd better begin.... How do you do, Mr. Dollop?... No, please don't move—I see I've come upon you all at your tea. So refreshing on a warm afternoon like this!... No, not any for me, thanks, I never touch it—and besides, I had some before I came out, you know.... Oh, never mind about wiping a chair for me, Mrs. Dollop.... Yes, quite comfortable, I assure you. What a delightful home you have, with all those charming coloured pictures on the wall, and so beautifully clean, too!... Ah, if you only knew the trouble and worry of a great house and a whole tribe of servants.... But you mustn't say that; no one need despair of getting on nowadays, you know. And this is your little boy and girl? such bright, intelligent little faces. Jam is so wholesome for them, isn't it?... Halbut and Halice? Really! such pretty names I always think; and both beginning with—er—H.... Well, yes, I have called on some particular business. I daresay, now, Mr. Dollop, you're quite a politician.... A plasterer? Now, how delightful! Because I must tell you that my husband.... No, I'm afraid not. You see, we've only just had the whole house thoroughly done up. I was only going to say that my husband has such a respect for plasterers as a class, you know. Haven't I mentioned who he is? How stupid of me! He's Mr. Honeyball, the Radical Candidate for this place.... Yes, I've come about the elections, of course. Oh, but you ought to care; I'm sure you're far too intelligent a man to be really indifferent who represents you in Parliament! And my husband is so devoted to the working-classes; it's been quite the aim of his life to do something for them. His motto is, 'Trust the People.'... Oh, dear me, no—he's not a shopkeeper—he's at the Bar.... Certainly not. He's in favour of doing away with public-houses. He's a barrister—a lawyer, you know.... Ah, but perhaps you haven't been fortunate in such lawyers as you've met.... Well, but you wouldn't like the Tories to get in, would you?... But they've had their 'innings,' as you call it; they've been in a whole fortnight—and what have they done?... And if the Liberal Government is kept out, what will become of all the great reforms they've been trying to give you?... Well, there's Home Rule, for one.... Surely you're in favour of letting the Irish manage their own affairs?... No, that's such a mistake; they won't want to manage ours—at least, except Imperial matters—and why shouldn't they?... All that can so easily be settled afterwards.... Don't you call 'One man one vote' a great reform?... Isn't it monstrous that some people should have five or six votes, while you only have one?... It's foolish to say they're 'welcome to them,' like that, when they only use them to deprive you of your rights.... Then there's Welsh Disestablishment.... Oh, if you really can't see the immense importance of it, all I can say is, I'm extremely sorry.... Yes, I'm going now, and I hope, before the election day comes, you will have learnt to take a more enlightened——Good afternoon."