Mr. Justice Punch then addressed the prisoner in the following words:—"Prisoner at the Bar, you have been rightly found guilty of committing the heinous crime of writing and causing to be published a pernicious form of composition known as a 'Penny Dreadful.' The jury who have tried you have had no trouble in coming to the conclusion that you are solely responsible for the fearful results that have followed the appearance of your latest contribution to criminal literature. Had not Red-handed Rob left the printers there is every reason for believing that the manor-house would have never been burnt down, and that poor Mrs. Smith would have been still hale and hearty. Nay more, the twenty-seven burglaries and fifty-six other crimes of even a yet more serious character would in all human probabilities have never been committed. For all this terrible work you are primarily responsible. In days gone by you would have escaped the appropriate penalty of your wickedness. But now that the Pernicious Story Punishment Act has become the law of the land, I have the power, as I have long had the will, to treat you with becoming severity." His Lordship then passed sentence in the customary form. Later in the day the publishers and printers of Red-Handed Rob were convicted of being accessories both before and after the fact, and shared the fate of their colleague in iniquity.
VIRGINIBUS PUERISQUE.
(A Hint to the Purveyors of Tainted Literary Food for Youth)
The varlet who vends unwholesome victual
Is sharply punished, if caught in the act;
Why should the scoundrel expect acquittal
Who sells bad books to our boys? Sad fact!
We know that youth loves not goody boring,
That little pigs have no relish for pearls!
But where's the excuse for foul garbage pouring
In innocent souls of our boys and girls?
"Look here, Schlumpenhagen, you must help us at our Smoking Concert. You play the Flute, don't you?"
"Not ven dere ish anypotty apout."
"How's that?"