Nervous Lady (in whose street there have been several burglaries). "How often do you policemen come down this road? I'm constantly about, but I never see you."
Policeman. "Ah, very likely I sees you when you don't see me, Mum. It's a policeman's business to secrete 'isself!"
THE OBLIQUE METHOD.
"I want to engage the next cook myself," I had said to my wife.
"Why?" she asked.
"Chiefly," I said, "because I am the only person in the house who minds what is placed on the table. If the food is distasteful I complain of it; you defend it; and we lose our tempers. Now it is perfectly clear that you cannot guard against certain culinary monstrosities when you engage a cook. I can. And coming from a man it will impress her more."
"Why can't I do it?"
"Because you haven't," I said. "You have engaged scores of cooks in your time and everyone does a certain thing which infuriates me."
"Have it your own way," she said.