Mr. Balfour started serving, and the first two games fell to him and his partner owing to a certain wildness in the returns of Princess Pongo, a Nigerian lady of remarkable agility who has only been playing tennis for the last three months, as, owing to the laws of the Hausa tribe, mixed tennis is strictly forbidden in Nigeria. The Princess was, however, well backed up by her partner, the Baron von Stosch, an athletic Prussian with a powerful smash, and after five games all had been called the set fell to the ex-Premier and his partner. In the second set a regrettable incident occurred, a ball skidding off Mr. Balfour's racquet into the eye of the Grand Duke Uriel, who was acting as umpire. Mr. Balfour was much upset by the contretemps, and repeatedly sliced his drive into the net, remarking, "Dear, dear," on two occasions.
The activity of the Princess Pongo, who wore a tasteful toque surmounted by a stuffed baby gorilla, was much admired, and when the score was called "one set all," the enthusiasm of the bystanders knew no bounds. A slight delay was caused by the arrival of a telegram for Mr. Balfour, announcing that, in view of the grave importance of the present political situation, The Times had been reduced to a penny. This he perused with deep emotion. On the resumption of the game, however, the ex-Premier at once showed himself to be in his best form. He sclaffed several beauties past the Baron, nonplussed the Nigerian princess by his luscious lobs, and finished off the set and match by a wonderful scoop-stroke which died down like a poached egg.
Early in the set he gave a remarkable proof of his detachment. Just as the Princess was preparing to serve one of her juiciest undercut strokes, the tones of a soprano practising her scales rang out from a neighbouring flat. "Rather sharp, I think," said Mr. Balfour, and the Princess, overcome by the ready wit of the ex-Premier, served four faults in quick succession. At the conclusion of the game Mr. Balfour wiped his face twice with his handkerchief and signed his name in the birthday books of several American heiresses.
We understand that there is no truth in the rumour that Mr. Balfour will box five rounds with Carpentier at a Charity Bazaar and Gymkhana next Saturday, but hopes are entertained that he will dance the Ta-tao with the Princess Pongo, and enter for the three-legged race with the Grand Duke Uriel.
"TO MAKE THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIME."
Judge. "Have you anything to say for yourself before I sentence you, Prisoner?"
Prisoner. "Yes, your Lordship; I taught your wife and daughters the Tango."
Judge. "Twenty years."