"The influenza microbe," announces a medical journal, "has made its appearance in many parts of the country and is slowly but surely making its way towards London." With any other Government than ours a simple suggestion that the sign-posts en route should be reversed would have been at once adopted.
During the last four weeks exactly four hundred and ninety-nine rats have been destroyed in a small town in South Bedfordshire. It is hoped that as soon as these figures are published a sporting rodent will give itself up in order to complete the fifth century.
"Why haven't you got on spurs?"
"I was going to speak about that, Sir. I regret I accidentally omitted to put them on this morning, and consequently have caught cold. So I was going to ask you to be kind enough to grant me leave until—"
"A champagne support was provided in the lower hall."—Local Paper.