Mistress. "At two o'clock this morning, Mary, we were wakened by loud knocking, and your master went down and found it was a policeman, who told him the pantry window was open."
Mary. "Oh, 'e did, did 'e? 'Ad 'e red 'air? I'll larn 'm to go 'ammerin' at decent people's door in the middle of the night just because I wouldn't go to the pictures with 'im last Friday. Imperence!"
From the directions on an omnibus ticket:—
"Passengers are requested not to stand on top of the Bus back seats for smoking."
This is a thing we never do.