Say, “Our old party bonds are re-tied now—in Notts!”
THE AXE PREMIER’S AUCTION.
Auctioneer. “Fine Chips of the Old Block, Gentlemen! Splendid specimens of the Hawarden Timber, in the Sale of which, Gentlemen, I assure you, I have ‘no Interest whatever.’” (“Hear! hear!”) “Now, Gentlemen, how much shall we say for this Chip, which I lopped off when I was leaving Hawarden—when I was ‘cutting my stick,’ in fact.” (Laughter.) “Who bids for This? Don’t be all Fagot-voting at once!” (Laughter and Cheers.) “Now then,—Fifteen Shillings, Ten Shillings, Seven, Five, Eighteenpence,—any advance on Eighteenpence? Going! Going! Going! Gone! Gone for Eighteenpence, and chip at the Price!” [Auction Continues.]
HINTS FOR THE UNEMPLOYED.
Sir,—Excellent as is the suggestion of your Correspondent, “One who would Elevate Them,” that the Unemployed should be forthwith put into the hands of some competent Ballet-Master, and after a proper course of instruction, despatched to all the Board Schools in England for the purpose of teaching every pupil who has passed the Sixth Standard, dancing and deportment, yet I do not think he goes far enough. Why stop at this comparatively subordinate art? Why not make them musicians, teach them to play Wagner, and despatch them straightway through the length and breadth of the land as enthusiastic Apostles of the great Master? What a glorious prospect to turn the three or four thousand idle loafers who have lately been hulking about Trafalgar Square for the purpose of breaking the peace, into a mighty army of skilled fiddlers eager to wake the glad strains of the spirit-stirring Music of the Future in every quiet village green through the three Kingdoms. And the accomplishment of such a task need not be set aside as the wild vision of some hopeless dreamer. I am convinced, Sir, that if the authorities of the Royal College and Guildhall School of Music, but set their shoulders to the wheel, the thing will soon be an accomplished fact. Such, Sir, at all events, is the opinion of one who believes firmly in
“The Soul of the Masses.”