ROBERT AT THE MINISTERIAL BANKWET.
Her Majesty's Ministers, so far as I understands these sollem matters, don't seam to have been having a partickler cumferal time of it lately. Brown, who's quite a grate Pollytishun, or at any rate thinks hisself so, which I spose is pritty much the same thing, says, in his wulgar way, as they have been and had 2 or 3 slaps in the face lately as has a good deal staggered 'em, but in course he was ony speaking paragorically, as the chymists says, so I don't suppose as they was werry much hurt by 'em, and they most suttenly didn't show not no sines of 'em when, on Wensday last, they all marched in in triumph to receeve from the Rite Honnerabel the Lord Mare the proud assurance that in his Rite Honnerabel opinion, and in that of the Grand Old Copperashun over witch he so royally presides, they had nobly done their dooty, and well herned the werry hiest reward as he had it in his power to bestow, wiz., a reel Manshun Ouse Bankwet!
Praps if there was one of the werry Noble and Rite Honnerabel Gestes as didn't look quite at his hease, it was the forren Gent as is the Chanceseller of the Xchecker, and in course that's werry heasily accounted for. Weather men bes Tories, or weather they be Libberals, they all likes men as sales strait and sticks to their cullers, and, if it's posserbel, nales 'em to the Marst, and never ewen dreams of bawling 'em down coz the weather's a looking jest a little dusty. Howsumever these sollem thorts ain't quite the thing for such reel jowial Bankwets as that of Wensday, so I banishes 'em hence without no blessing.
The grate Conserwatif Cheefs seemed to thorowly enjoy the change, and to sum on 'em it must have bin a change indeed. Tork about Conserwatifs not liking change, how about changing the Ouse of Commons, with their spessimens of the Wulgar Tung, and their most rude questions, and their imperent mocking larfter, for the splendid Manshun Ouse, and its gorgeous Bankwet, and sitch an arty recepshun from onered Aldermen and uncommon Councilmen as amost broke sum of the new wine-glasses with shaking!
Puncshally as the sillybrated Manshun Ouse Clock struck harf-past seven the Prime Minister hentered the Hall, so there was no Hed Cook a cussing and a swearing in the hot regions below at his Chef-dooversbeing spylt with waiting. It was a speshally fine dinner, the Petty Gallatins o' aspect, and the Wenson, being about the finest as even I ever tasted.
The pore Epping Forest Depputy got pretty well charfed about where the Wenson came from, but he bore it like a man, and arsked for another slice. I was pleased to notice a great improvement in the way as the sacred Loving Cup was passed round, speshally among the Marshonesses and Cowntesses, there wasn't above 2 or 3 on 'em as wood grasp it with their bootiful little wite hands insted of gracefoolly taking off the cover and showing off their dimond rings wen it was hoffered to 'em.
As for the speeches, I thinks as the Lord Mare has about spylt us in that respec. His is allers short and sharp, and spoken out like a man, but most of the others was so slow and so dredfull careful, and so preshus long, that Brown and me both agreed as they was amost sollum enuff for poor Ministers as is out, rayther than for jolly Ministers as is in.
We was all werry much shocked, speshally us Hed Waiters, at hearing from the Lord Mare as how as sumbody at Guildhall had said as all militerry men was Imposters, and all naval men Tom Fools! But the Fust Lord of the Admiralty gave it him pretty hot in his absense, and said if as any tomfoolery was a goin on anywheres he knew who'd be a taking the lead in it! So Sir Wilfull Lawson will probberbly be a leetle more carefuller in future.
Lord Sorlsbury made a werry long speech, but all I coud make out of it was two rayther himportant fax. Fustly, that there isn't to be no grate Uropean War until after the 9th of nex Nowember, so I feels rayther sorry for pore Mr. Alderman De Keyser, and Seccondly, that if there is to be one anywheres, it will werry possibly be too near home to be pleasant, which I for one was werry sorry to hear, but I hardly thort that he meant it or he would not have made us all larf so by telling us, that the Members of the Ouse of Commons treated it like we men does our wives, that is, we has our own opinion on 'em in private, but we don't allow not nothink to be said against 'em in Public. Ah! my Lord Markiss, how one touch of Natur makes us all kings! Who'd ever have thort that a werry Prime Minister would have been troubled with a similar complaint to that as so offen trubbles a pore Hed Waiter.
Mr. Goshen apollergised for the absense of the pore 1st Lord of the Tresury, who was quite nocked up with setting up so late.