Metropolitan Board of Shirks, Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, March 1.
My Very Dear Sir,—Thank you for the last six Private Boxes, which, although not all of them in quite first-rate positions, enabled me to knock on a few obligations that I was under to certain importunate friends and connections. But I am now going to tax your kindness still further. I wish to give all my tradesmen a treat, and should like them to have the Queen's Box in turn. I am, therefore, sending you the addresses of my butcher, my baker, my bootmaker, milkman, greengrocer, and my tailor, and request that you will communicate directly with them, with a view to finding out on what nights they could most conveniently visit the theatre, and arranging accordingly. Please be careful to direct the envelopes carefully and legibly, as I should be sorry that any carelessness on your part should lead to disagreeables over the matter. Indeed, as long as you keep me well supplied with the places I require on the Grand Tier, I have no wish to be nasty. But you know, from experience, it won't do to put my back up, and that rather than put an official spoke into your wheel, I would always prefer to receive your orders, and be able to sign myself, as I do now,
Yours cordially,
John Begg.
From Same to Same, on receiving Apologetic and Explanatory Letter enclosing sixteen undated Stalls.
Metropolitan Board of Shirks, Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, March 4.
Mr. Begg wishes to know whether Mr. Harris takes him for a fool. Mr. B. particularly told Mr. H., that he wanted him to let him have the Queen's Box for six consecutive nights, as he wished to give his, Mr. B's., Tradesmen a treat. How does Mr. H. think Mr. B. is going to manage that in suitable style, in sixteen undated Stalls! But perhaps Mr. H. is desirous of provoking an Official Inspection, and would like to be called on to provide a new set of dressing-rooms, a couple of iron-curtains, and be ordered to rebuild his Entrance Hall. Mr. B. merely throws this out as a hint, but would advise Mr. H. if he wishes to keep out of trouble, to despatch the demanded boxes, to the addresses already furnished him forthwith.
The Home Secretary said, that after giving the above specimens of correspondence his careful consideration, he could not say that he thought them particularly out of the way, but as there somehow seemed to be a general impression that they were, he supposed something ought to be done. He would think the matter over, and perhaps in the course of next summer he might possibly hit on some solution.
The Deputation having thanked him, then withdrew.