AMONG THE AMATEURS.
No. II.—PREPARATION.
Scene.—The Theatre of the provincial town of Blankbury. A company of Amateurs, the "Thespian Wanderers," are rehearsing the well-known Comedy of "Heads or Tails?" Amongst them are our friends Buckstone Boldero, Tiffington Spinks, Charlie Gushby, and Harry Hall. Besides these, we may note Colonel Thomas Clumk, an ex-military Amateur, who devotes more time to acting small parts and talking big about them than he ever did to soldiering. Then there is Andrew Jarp, a portly and elderly partner in a considerable firm of Solicitors, and an actor who, by long practice, has grown perfect in the part of a Family Butler. His office is in the City, and he drives down to it every morning in a private brougham, fitted with a looking-glass, by the help of which he studies the air and deportment characteristic of a modern Seneschal. He is a man of few words, off as well as on the stage; but his eyes flash fury if he hears his favourite Art derided by the scoffer. Horatio Spuffil is also in the cast. He has dabbled in literature, but has lately abandoned such frivolity, and been elected a Member of the London County Council. A few rising Amateur Supers complete the male portion of the cast. The Ladies' parts are played by professional Actresses, of the Theatres Royal generally, who happen to be, as they pleasantly express it in their advertisements in the "Era," "resting"—Miss Dorothy Shuttle, Miss Amelia Slimper, who are new to the Amateurs, and Kitty Larkings, who has "assisted" the "Thespian Wanderers" before. Boldero is Stage Manager. The Stage is occupied by Spinks (as Colonel Debenham, a retired Indian Officer), Gushby (as Tom Tilbury, a comic Country Squire), and Dorothy Shuttle (as Belinda, Nurserymaid in the family of Lord and Lady Shorthorn, represented respectively by Boldero and Miss Amelia).
Boldero (from the front of the house). Stop a moment! You know we really must settle what we are to do about those two children that Belinda's got to wheel on in the double perambulator. I asked the Duchess of Middlesex to lend us her twins for a couple of nights, but she writes to say they've just got the measles. Isn't there any one here who can help us? [The three Ladies titter.
Gushby (in whose breast the leading part played by Spinks still rankles). Why not let Spinks do it? He's always wanting to "double" parts, and here's a splendid chance for him.
Spinks (coldly). That's very funny—really very funny, Gushby. It's a pity "Colonel Debenham" (alluding to his own rôle in the comedy) isn't a clown's part. I'd give it up to you right off, if it was. Ha, ha! (bitterly).
Colonel Clumk. There's a man in my old regiment who's got two red-haired brats; but he wants ten shillings a night for 'em.
Boldero. That's pretty stiff. However, I'll inspect them to-morrow. Let's get on a bit now. Come, Spinks!
Spinks. Where were we? (With an air of intense annoyance.) These constant interruptions put one off so. Oh, yes, I remember. (Resumes rehearsing the part of "Colonel Debenham.") "Nursemaid, take those squalling infants away. I'm surprised at Lady Shorthorn permitting them in the drawing-room. Wheel them away at once—at once, I say; or I'll make curry-powder of the lot of you!"