"Good night," said I, very short; though I felt as if my heart would break.
I lay and listened, with the door-key under my pillow; and my pillow well under my shoulders. That key I was determined should never leave me: I'd make sure of that, and I grasped it to be certain it was there. Then I listened again. He was not asleep; I was sure of that; though he lay as still as any baby, and tried to seem asleep. Very well, thought I; very well; you shall not outwake me: no—I'll watch like any owl. At least like any guardian spirit.
And to think that Fred—my own Frederick, with one heart between us, as he's so often said—could lie there; yes, by my very side, and have a secret and keep it from me—well, I did begin to think that dear Mamma was right; and I've heard her say she'd never trust dear Papa further than she could see him—not always that.
At last he slept.—No; he didn't. Well, I never thought he could have such art. But perhaps he suspected my thoughts; imagined I was watching him! When this entered my head, I determined to affect sleep myself; and so see which of us could do it the best.
So I settled myself and—again being sure of the key; yes, there it was—safe enough—and began to appear to go to sleep. In a little while, I had so beautifully deceived him that he was fast—fast as a church.
—It couldn't have been above five minutes, but I had dozed off; and woke with such a start!—Almost instinctively I placed my hand under the pillow; the key was safe.
"What's the matter, Lotty? Dreaming?"—said Fred; for I had either awakened him, or he was awake all the time. "What's it about?" he asked.
"Nothing in particular," said I, "good night, love; or you'll be too late for Mr. Truepenny."
At the word, I thought I heard Fred sigh—just gently sigh—and the sound went like a dagger through me!
And then what a dream I'd had: and it couldn't have lasted above three—certainly not five—minutes! What a dream! Such a confusion of things! I thought I still grasped the key, and it turned in my hand to a pistol! And then I thought I dropt it on the ground, and it went hopping along like a grasshopper, popping and going off as it went. Then I thought I was resolved Fred should not get up and go out—and then I suddenly found myself tying the sleeves of his shirt in double-knots, and then emptying the water-jug into both his boots! Then I thought I went through a churchyard, and saw that odious Truepenny—drest like a pantomime clown—digging a grave; and as he dug it, singing a song about spades being trumps. Then I thought Fred was suddenly by my side, and that dreadful Truepenny took up a shovelful of earth, and was about to throw it, with a laugh, in the face of Fred, when I—I tried to scream, or did scream, and awoke!