"That your Petitioners are deeply interested in the condition of the working classes of great cities—who toil through excessive hours of labour, and dwell in close, unwholesome habitations. Your Petitioners have ever found their largest and most valuable practice among this class of the community—and continue to do so, notwithstanding the miserable and abortive attempts of Government, and of weak-minded enthusiasts, to interfere with their trade—by improving, 'as it is called,' the dwellings of the poor, and preaching against bad drainage, dirt, and drunkenness.
"Your Petitioners view with alarm and indignation the proposed desecration of the Sunday, by opening the Crystal Palace and its grounds, at Sydenham, to the people of London; and cannot but express their conviction that it would lead to the infliction of serious loss on the profession of which they are members.
"Your Petitioners humbly call the attention of your Honourable House to the fact that they derive a very considerable revenue from the following sources, all of which are threatened to be diminished by the increase of parks, pleasure gardens, and conservatories for the working classes.
"First, From fevers and other diseases generated by heated and impure atmosphere; from which even one day's escape in seven may tend to relieve the present dwellers in the dark courts and alleys of London.
"Secondly, From adulterated gin and British brandy, which are consumed in vast quantities by a large portion of the aforesaid dwellers in dark places, who seek in these stimulants some little excitement during their brief repose from the daily labour of life.
"Lastly, From broken heads, bruises, black eyes, &c., all of which require a considerable amount of medical treatment, 'both in the hospitals and out,' on Monday mornings.
"Your Petitioners forbear to enter into the religious portion of the argument, as they do not exactly remember the text in the New Testament which forbids the walking in corn-fields, or gardens, or conservatories on the Sunday; but your Petitioners are of opinion that your Honourable House ought to preserve these privileges as heretofore for Earls, Bishops, and wealthy members of your Honourable House, who can afford to keep gardens and conservatories at their private expense.
"Your Petitioners therefore pray your Honourable House to protect 'their native industry'—by keeping the doors of the Crystal Palace and its gardens closed against the working classes of London."
THE CABMAN AND HIS PINT OF STOUT.—A Fable.
A Cabman, being inclined to drink, stepped into a public-house, and asked for a pint of stout, which he swallowed at a draught, and in payment for the liquor laid down a fourpenny piece. The landlord, who chanced to be serving in the bar, being a wag, called after his customer, as the latter was going, "Hi there, you!" to which the other, turning his head, replied, "Halloa!"—"Come, I say!" pursued mine host, "this here won't do!"—"Wot won't do?" demanded the other.—"Wot?" the landlord repeated; "wot's this here?"—"Wot's this here?" returned the cabman; "why, it's a fo'p'ny bit, isn't it?"—"Well, and wot then?" cried the landlord.—"Wot dy'e mean?" retorted the cabman.—"Wot do you mean?" rejoined the landlord; "wot dy'e mean this here for?"—"For a pint o' stout, to be sure," was the cabman's answer.—"Ho, ho, ho, ho!" shouted the landlord.—"Wot are yer larfin' at?" exclaimed the cabman, in astonishment; "Fo'pence a pint o' stout—ain't that right!"—"I s'pose," replied the landlord, "yer calls yerself a gentleman."
Here the people who were tippling at the bar burst into a loud laugh, which awoke the cabman to a perception that the landlord had been making game of him. "Come, come," said Boniface, "I was only chaffin' you; but now I hope you'll see the propriety of takin' wot you're entitled to when you're offered it, without indulgin' in superfluous and unpleasant hobservations."