(Aside.) Hallo! how's this? I'm fairly caught;
A religious tract, I think I said;
I've left them at home, and by Jove, I've brought
My stock of flash song-books out instead.
MR. PETERLOO BROWN'S EXAMINATION OF THE OXFORD STATUTES.
LETTER II.
"Dear Mr. Punch,
"In my last letter to you, I mentioned a few of the Statutum ests of 'Tit. XIV.' of the Oxford Statutes; and I now come to consider 'Tit. XV.' of the same amusing work, premising that I shall confine my remarks to this Tit., as it would be a task of insufferable weariness—and one, I suppose, which like the discovery of the source of the Nile, no philanthropist would ever live to carry out—to attempt to explore the twenty-one Tits., which, with their appendices branches, run through that immense tract of paper intended for the use of the academic youth (in usum juventutis academicaæ). But I may remark, en passant, as our 'lively neighbours' say—(I don't know French, Mr. Punch, but I like to quote it occasionally, as it shows refinement and education, and that you read the Morning Post, and all that sort of thing)—I may remark, that for the Vice-Chancellor to drive twenty-one of these Tits. in hand, and keep them well together, must be no ordinary act of Jehu-ism; and I think it would have added greatly to the effect of the late Commemoration, if they had put out illustrated posters, that the new Chancellor, 'acknowledged by the Press to be the premier jockey of the day, and without a Peer in the Westminster Circle,' would make his 'first public entrance into Oxford, driving TWENTY-ONE TITS IN HAND!' after which would, of course, follow 'the performances in the Theatre,' with 'the drolleries of the Caucasian Clown,' and 'the laughable farce of The Phenomenon in a Doctor's gown.' I think something might have been made of that; but the hint may perhaps be taken against the next opportunity.
"Tit. XV. treats 'De moribus conformandis;" and it first orders that all juniors should pay due respect to their seniors—their seniors that is, in academical rank, for age does not come before dignity in Oxford—the undergraduates to the B.A.'s, the B.A.'s to the M.A.'s, the M.A.'s to the D.C.L.'s, and so on, according to the standing of the 'Man of letters;' (a phrase which evidently refers to those mysterious decimations of the alphabet, which some people delight to put after their names). And the 'due respect' is to be shown, firstly, by yielding up the best seats, (locum potiorem cedendo) which, they tell me, was done in the theatre at the late Commemoration, by putting the undergraduates in the gallery, the M.A.'s in the pit, and reserving the boxes and dress circle for the 'Dons' and the ladies; and secondly, by giving the wall, and by capping, or, as the Statute more expressively says, 'by uncovering the head at a proper distance,' (ad justum intervallum caput aperiendo) though what this proper distance may be, appears to be left to the taste of the capper, the rank of the cappee, the force of the wind, the length of the arm, or any other directing influence. Probably the distance is measured by the relative dignity of the wearers of the cap, so that an undergraduate would have to uncover himself as soon as the Vice-Chancellor came in sight; and, in the event of a dispute as to the proper distance, the matter would probably be settled as they arrange similar differences of opinion under the new Cab Act, and would be brought before the Vice-Chancellor's Court, who would, doubtless, order the distance to be measured. At any rate, it appears that my son Peterloo will have to learn to keep his distance, and this inclines me to think favourably of this Statute; for I have always been of opinion (since I made money by it) that there is nothing like being 'umble' to your superiors, and showing them all that respect which they desire, even if they don't deserve. But I am glad that the Oxford authorities enforce this Statute by wisely ordaining that those who neglect the proper marks of respect, shall be punished with impositions, loss of terms, and the setting down of their names in the Proctor's Black Book, (in Libro Nigro Procuratorum), which I have no doubt is the Bogy with which the nurses of Alma Mater terrify and awe her refractory children. But moreover, if they should still contumaciously persist in their conduct, (si contumaces perstiterint), they shall be fined in addition, not more than five pounds for each offence. It does not say what is done with the money, but it probably goes towards purchasing a plaister for wounded dignity. Now, Mr. Punch, as touching this healthy Statute, I am rather curious to know how many undergraduates, B.A.'s, or M.A.'s, were, during the late Commemoration, castigated by the Proctors (Procuratoribus castigentur), or fined this five pounds, or had their names put down in that terrible Black Book, or done anything else to, for not capping at a proper distance, or yielding the wall to Dr. Samuel Warren, D.C.L., F.R.S., &c. &c., when they met that talented author of The Lily and the Bee, (that sweet, thoughtful poem, as Mrs. Brown calls it,) when he promenaded the High Street in all the scarlet glories of his new D.C.L.-ship? For, if the Proctors' Black Book be innocent of names branded therein for the dire offences mentioned, of course there would not be such a Statute for matriculating members to swear to obey.