Nobody must indulge in sports which may cause hurt or inconvenience to others.
The OXFORD ORNITHORYNCUS
"But to return to the Statute. Though I think I smell a badger, yet the word 'ferrets' seems to point at rats. But if, in their humanity, the authorities discourage rat-hunting—which, of course, must be an 'inconvenience' to the rat, even if it cause him no 'danger or injury'—why do they shut their eyes to the legions of terriers, and other rat-killing dogs, that are openly possessed by the members of the University? I am at a loss to know for what species of wild beasts the 'snares and nets' are intended, unless the young men poach for rabbits and hares. But as for fox-hunting, I shall know now how far I may believe young Bellingham Grey when he says that he, and more than a score of 'pinks' may be seen in a morning, setting off from the Canterbury Gate of Christ Church! And as for the loo, and whist, and 'Van John' that he speaks of, not to mention écarté, and the money that changes hands in one evening, why I am sadly afraid that the young gentleman has been imposing upon my credulity.
Nobody must carry a cross-bow, and a hawk for fowling.
"The Statute goes on to forbid the boys—I beg pardon, the 'men!'—from the use of hawks for fowling, and from the carrying of cross-bows and 'Bombardarum' (necnon ab omni apparatu et gestatione Bombardarum, et arcubalistarum; sive etiam accipitrum usu ad aucupium). Now, I am aware that the old noble sport of hawking is being revived, because I take in The Field (for, of course, I look upon myself as a 'country gentleman,' and do everything that country gentlemen ought to do), and in The Field I sometimes read about it; and I suppose the Oxford gentlemen are assisting in the revival. But, in the name of wonder, Mr. Punch, what can be meant by 'Bombardarum?' Has it anything to do with your Austrian friend 'Bomba?' Or does it mean that the young men must not carry about mortars for the discharge of bombs, or battering-rams, or some 'bombarding' implement 'of that ilk?' But no. 'Town and Gown' disturbances can never need such warlike preparations as these. I suppose I must write to your facetious contemporary Notes and Queries, and ask what 'Bombardarum' really does mean; for no Latin Dictionary that I have access to is able to inform me. Really, Mr. Punch, my Lord Chancellor Derby ought to publish either a translation of the Statutes of his University or a dictionary of these 'Oxford mixture' phrases, 'canino Anglico Latine reddita:' for how can young men be expected to obey Statutes which are made up of words of which the meaning can only be conjectured? And if, Mr. Punch, you take up the cudgels for the Oxford Statutes, and tell me that they are thus purposely framed, and after the fashion of the Statutes of the country, I beg to observe that the seat of learning ought to be stuffed with other stuff than that which fills the woolsack, and that the framers of its laws should not be like the noble and versatile Lord of the Upper House, to whom we might say, in the words of Coleridge:—
"'You can utter, with a solemn gesture,
Oracular sentences of deep no-meaning,