"Grand, Fortentous, and Most Auspicious Event. Speedy and Imperative and Peremptory Sale of the Entire Stock of Shawls, Mantles, and Robes, of
a firm that we will take the liberty of calling Messrs. Hokes and Co.
In the first place, Messrs. Hokes are to be congratulated on having introduced a striking novelty into the English language—the word Fortentous; which, being big and indistinct, looms, as it were, at the head of their advertisement, with a misty sublimity.
The nature of the impending event, denominated "fortentous" is thus elucidated:—
"In consequence of the Proprietors being made Sole Agents for Macintosh's Registered Waterproof Dupallas, for Ladies' Sea-side, Yachting, or Travelling Wear, they are determined to clear off their entire Stock—and, doing this, they sink all Personal Interest, forego every consideration of gain or lucre, renounce every motive but the one Grand Object—that of a positive and absolute Clearance of the entire Stock—and this, they are determined, must, will, nay shall be accomplished, as the Dupalla will be ready for Inspection in a few days."
This paragraph is a masterly composition—the very perfection of the insinuating style. Sinking all personal interest, foregoing every consideration of gain or lucre, renouncing every motive but that of desiring the positive and absolute clearance of a quantity of stock—that "one grand object" might obviously be accomplished in a simple and effectual manner by making a bonfire of the goods; which, moreover, would probably be the best thing to do with them.
The conclusion of H. and Co.'s Puff at once invites criticism—and defies it—
"But words are but words, after all, so H. & Co. will proceed to lay before the Public something of a more tangible nature. They pass on to facts, and facts are stubborn things, but they unhesitatingly affirm that the incontrovertible facts given in the annexed quotations of prices, only require ocular observation to establish their identity."
The stubbornness of H. and Co.'s facts is only exceeded by their acquisitiveness; and perhaps, indeed, the latter propensity may be considered to have dictated their entire advertisement.