How such a domestic could have been constructed; how it was possible to make a lackey that should not only clean boots and wait at table, but dig, and prune, and plant, and exercise intelligence, moreover, in these horticultural operations, it is difficult to conceive. Imagination staggers at the idea of a Steam Flunkey. The Mr. Smee, who resolves thought into electrical action, may suppose that galvanism might have served to vivify the apparatus, and cause the fibres of its artificial brain to quiver with those vibrations which constitute perception, memory, and understanding. But if mind consists in vibrations, the abilities of a Shakspere are no great shakes; therefore we cannot accept such a theory of the constitution of the Footman which is wanted in a Clergyman's family.
The mysterious agency concerned in Table Turning, belief in which has in some minds survived its refutation by Faraday, we should rather consider to be the animating principle of this Frankenstein's Androides or Andrewoides, artificial Andrew or automatic John Thomas.
The female domestics in the family of the clergyman are, of course, of a nature similar to that of the manservant which is wanted there, since no housemaid or cook could stay in a house where a Footman was kept referred to by the neuter pronoun, which, and consequently where the Footman was an Inanimate Thing.
A Fable for Mr. Commissioner Murphy.
Once upon a time, a lot of murphies—id est potatoes—were put in a pot together. "Now, boys"—said one of the praties—"as we'll all be in hot water—all of a bilin'—wobble as we may, for the credit of ould Ireland—don't let us split on one another."
The Main Stays of Science.
The savans at Hull have lately been giving some very interesting results of the trial of the strength of "stays." Surely this department should have been left to a female committee, for the true strength of "stays" can only be ascertained by experiments in very tight lacing.