That forbye the wrang, an' scaith, an' indignity dune to the Scottish Lion, an' the ither indignities, an' scaiths, an' wrangs, whilk Your Majesty's Petitioners hae set forth, an' enumerated, an' recited to Your Majesty's Ministers, there are a wheen mair whilk they wad, wi' a' humility, skirl intill Your Majesty's lug.
That, imprimis, an' in the first place, the mither tongue o' Great Britain, Your Majesty's mither tongue, is erroneously, an' mistakenly, an' vernacularly, an' vulgarly misca'd the Queen's English; whereas the English tongue is just a brogue, an' a corruption, an' a patois, an' a dialeck o' the Scotch. And, as Your Majesty kens, the hail biggin o' Your Majesty's language was the wark o' Lindley Murray, o' wham the varra name, ilka gowk can tell, belangs to Scotland.
Your Petitioners, therefore, beseech Your Majesty that the language o' Scotland, an' the provinces thereuntill united under the sceptre o' Your Majesty, whilk has heretofore been, as aforesaid, misca'd Your Majesty's English, may henceforth be rightly, an' truly, an' correckly denominate the Queen's Scotch. An' furthermair, that Your Majesty will be graciously pleased to direck that the orthography an' etymology o' a' Britain be just adapted, an' accommodated, an' reconciled to Scottish institutions an' laws o' grammar; whilk dunna convene wi' thae o' England, let alane just Suntax an' Prosody.
Your Majesty's Petitioners do also pray that Your Maist Gracious Majesty will be graciously pleased to command, an' decree, an' ordain that the term Anglo-Saxon race shall nae langer be applied to the population o' these Islands, mair especially not to emigrants from Great Britain to ither kintras, the maist o' wham are Scotch, that gang awa' and dinna come bock again. And that Your Majesty will, by virtue o' your Royal prerogative, settle and determine that the tribe an' race, until the noo entitled Anglo-Saxon, shall from this time forth be specified an' distinguished by the title o' Scoto-Saxon instead.
Likewise your Petitioners do entreat Your Majesty that the communications o' Your Majesty's douce and honest liege subjecks shall nae mair be denoted by the appellation o' Plain English, but shall, wi' fit an' due regard to justice an' propriety o' diction, be designated as Braid Scotch.
Your Petitioners lastly humbly request Your Majesty that, gin Your Majesty shall be mindit to hae a decimal coinage, ye wad be sae gude as to order an' provide that there shall be ane braw bright glitterm bit chinkie amang the coppers to be ca'd a bawbee.
And your Petitioners as in duty bound will ever bray, &c.
THE GOOSE CLUBS.
Our eyes are again edified by the announcement so familiar to us at this season—"A Goose Club held here." We really should like to have a set of the rules of one or more of these Clubs, for we are puzzled to think what amount of goosedom can be a qualification for membership. Surely the Peace Society people must be honorary members for life of every Goose-Club in the kingdom, if merit has its reward, and admittance to a Goose-Club is to be obtained by personal gooseishness, or a corresponding amount of quackery. We have heard that the manager of a certain highly patronised theatre has consulted his solicitor upon the advertisement of a Goose-Club near Oxford Street, with the view of ascertaining whether the word goose is meant to apply to himself in a libellous manner. The legal sage not being prepared, the Goose question is in abeyance.