He looked fust at the bewtifool Lady, and then at me, and then, harf droring his grate big sword, and sounding the Gong most wierlently, in rushed about ½ a dozen servents, and after some most angry words of Chineese gibberish from their master, they all siezed me and dragged me to another room, where they took off both my boots and my stockings and laying me down on the flore, tho I had all my best clothes onn, they beat both my souls and my eels with sticks till I skreamed for mersy!
They then left me. I was that hurt both in my feet and my feelinx that I didn't kno what on airth to do. When presently in came one of them quite quietly and said in a whisper: "I spikes ze Inglesh, pore feller! and if you have sum munny I can get you what you calls a sub-sty-tooty for the rest of your punnishment." "How much will it be?" says I. "About 10,000 Cash?" says he. "10,000 Cash!" says I. "It's only 2 pound ten of your munny," says he. So, feeling as I shood suttenly die if I had to go through the same tortur again, I gave him the munny, and sure enuff he soon returned with a pore seedy-looking Chinaman who took my place, and my new friend took me out of the house by the back-door, and off I set and got home without hinterrupshun!
As soon as my feet got well I went to a werry sillybrated Phizzygonomist, I thinks they calls 'em, to have my fortun told. He werry kindly sed that my large mouth and chin, and my furm nose, and my large neck, was all most faverable sines; but added, as he was sorry to have to say, that as my eyes was not long ones, and had no large pewpils, I must most suttenly have a grate natteral taste for picking and stealing! Whether sich a rewelation was worth fifteen sents, or 7½d., I must leave you, Sir, to determine; all I can say is, that I thort it dear at the munny.
I bort wun day a most bewtifool Chineese rapper, and I used offen to go and sit on the steps leading to wun of their little tempels, with my air werry nicely drest by a air-dresser, and there, with Toby by my side, I used to sit and receeve the respecfool atenshuns of the estonished parsers-by.
One of the prinsiple emusements of the hupper nobillerty is the flying of most bewtifool kites! I have heard of the same thing being dun in the great City of London, but I never seed it. I bleeves in both cases the kites is made of paper. Everybody smokes in China, Men and Women and Boys and Gals. Sum of the men has baccy-pipes so long that they uses them as Warking-Sticks!
I was rayther surprised to find as they warships the Griffin, jest such a wun as we has on the top of Tempel Bar, but which our peepel, as you kno, don't warship, not by no means. But the Chineese in their dense hignerence calls it a Draggon!
In short, Sir, I arives at the conclushun that the Chineese is about the rummest lot of peeple in the hole world, and anyboddy as wants plenty of fun had better cum here at wunce, but not stay long, and don't heat dogs or cats, or wisit Mandereen's Wives.
"Thank you, very much," said Mr. Punch, when Robert had finished speaking, "but I am afraid I can stay with you no longer. I wish to pay a flying visit to the Colonies. But first I must show Mr. Stanley that, great Discoverer though he may be, I can yet over-explore him!" Then, accompanied by his faithful Toby, he wished that they should be in Central Africa. Urged by his companion, in this instance, he took some copious notes. He preserved them, and they are thus able to be embodied in this veracious chronicle.