MR. PUNCH AND TOBY IN CENTRAL AFRICA.
truggle through the jungle; hardships beginning. Black-legs, engaged owing to strike amongst Dokkas, or native porters, fast dwindling, owing to energetic picketing with poisoned arrows from behind trees by small brown dwarfs. Pursued one, and after boxing his ears severely, dismissed him with threat of telling his mother. Jungle almost impassable. All heavier baggage sent on to Central Africa by Parcels Delivery. After four days' wandering, the Lady Guide, who had been represented as "thoroughly conversant with the district," began to cry and said she had lost the path. Dismissed her on the spot, paying her return fare, though under no legal obligation to do so. Really too ridiculous to attempt to conduct a party through the Dark Continent with nothing but an ordnance map of Epping Forest! Long and fruitless search for track; fortunately, just as despair reached climax, met a Koppah (or native policeman) and asked him—turned out to be only just round the corner.
On the main road again; Passed a native caravan of nomad Djipsis. Bought a hearth-brush and door-mat. At mid-day, took the sun with portable camera. Sun moved and spoilt negative. Made some observations.
Reached native village—N'yutoihigama. Much struck by native method of ascending palms for cocoa-nuts, carrying letters, wrestling, &c. Visited King Mahbul of Pigzinklovaland. Much interested by efforts of King with his three favourite wives, all under influence of Pombé or palm-beer, to roll into royal kraal.
On again; progress obstructed by the Nekkids of Nuffintowara, who seemed bent on giving battle. Sent messenger to King with present of shirt-studs, after which allowed to pass unharmed. Further on, stopped by band of Grimi-Grubbas, who evidently meant being nasty. Called to them pleasantly in native tongue, "Cheke-bobo-nangu-yanzi-toorali?" (Good-morning, have you used Scours' Soap?) Found they hadn't, and presented them with a packet, also with brushes and other articles of the toilette, of which they were in great need.
Came to open space near N'yumarkiti. Saw some Darckorsis running in and out of brushwood in highly suspicious manner. Found on inquiry that they were only "out for an airing" not "on the job." Much relieved. Conference with King M'rora of the Wezijiji tribe; trumpets sounded as soon as he was done.
Discovered large river of colour of strong green tea. Named it the Sir Wilfrid Lawson. Entered territory of the Rumboozi people. Their king, Mopzanbrumzi, offering his services as guide. Mopsanbrumzi most cordial, but much too drunk to be of any material assistance. Once powerful intellect now, alas! degraded. Made a long speech in the Ikkupi dialect—quite unintelligible. Mopzanbrumzi presented with a small tin of Royal Mail Red Paint, with which, when the expedition left, he was proceeding to decorate the vicinity.
On the lagoon. An adventure befell Toby, which, but for prompt action, might have had fatal termination; Toby mistook open mouth of hippopotamus for drain, and rushed down in search of rat. Hippopotamus closed mouth, with expression intimating plainly that "No contributions can be returned unless accompanied by stamps and directed wrapper." Toby's barking inside fainter. At length remembered having brought Report of Parnell Commission for private reading. Read Report to Hippopotamus slowly, until symptoms of weariness observable in huge pachyderm. Read on, and hippopotamus yawned; whereupon whistled to Toby, who ran up, not much the worse, except that frill had lost every vestige of colour.