Col. M’Kenney should be well endowed in the perceptive faculties, for although his fibre measures but four inches nine-tenths, we must recollect that his head is small. The shortest in the list is R. Johnson. Now, among all men we ever met, no one can match John Q. Adams for minute and varied knowledge, save and except Lord Brougham.
The next measurement is from the ear to the top of the head, where, it is said, is the organ of Firmness; and the height of the head should indicate the strength of this quality. And here we used to think we had the phrenologists on the hip, judging from some of our own eye measurements; but we were told it must be taken in relation with other qualities; a man may be firm in vice’s cause as well as virtue’s, but then he is called stubborn; or his firmness may be qualified by caution or cowardice—he may be a confirmed coward, &c. But no matter, we proceed to the measurements. The average of Firmness of these men, measured by Gunter’s scale, is five inches seven-tenths. We find Judge M’Lean overtops them all, and has a mountain of Firmness, measuring six inches three-tenths; next comes Mr. Mitchell, of South Carolina, then Messrs. Webster and Cheeves—six inches one-tenth; then lower, but yet high, John Quincy Adams, Calhoun, Barbour, Johnson, M’Duffie, Baldwin, Barry. Van Buren’s Firmness would never be in his way, being a tenth lower than the average; Mr. Clay’s is three-tenths; and one person, Lt. Simonson, is only five inches and two-tenths! The small Firmness, alias, small obstinacy, of Clay, perhaps qualifies him so well for mediator—pacificator.
Now let us apply the rule and compass the other way, and look at the measurements through the head; that is, from ear to ear, or rather along the ear from Destructiveness to Destructiveness, which indicates, also, the size of Secretiveness; it is said to be necessary to statesmen, players, and thieves.
Men generally measure five inches six-tenths in this direction; but the average measure of this list gives seven inches seven-tenths; from whence phrenologists would infer, that our worthies destroy and secrete only in the ratio of one-tenth more than the rest of the people; a very charitable conclusion, truly! The longest is Dr. Todsen, of the United States Army; who, horribile dictu! measures six inches and six-tenths! No wonder he was afterwards cashiered for theft; how could he help it, with such a bump! Next to this unfortunate worthy—and, as if to mark the contrast, and note the folly of phrenological predictions, comes—who? why, our present magnanimous and open-hearted president, who was then (nine years ago) the innocent and unsophisticated Martin Van Buren!
We feel almost indignant at the insinuation implied in this measurement; not that we doubt its correctness, or the motives of Doctors Lovell and Brereton, but they should have put in as a salvo the measurement of our president’s Conscientiousness, which, we think, must be enormous, in order to counterbalance this Secretiveness; for we are confident that nine years ago he had no fixed plans and determinations which he secreted from the world.
To be sure Judge Trimble is placed in the same category, and following close after, comes Daniel Webster, whose Destructiveness, measuring a tenth less than the president’s, is, nevertheless, enormously developed, and probably is
—— “the direful spring
Of woes unnumbered,”
to the feathered and finny tribes which are so unfortunate as to frequent his neighbourhood. He is rather apt also to attack and destroy the arguments of his opponents. Barbour and Southard also are set down as destructives to the extent of six inches and three-tenths; while M’Lean, Marshall, Woodbury, and Baldwin, go the length of six inches two-tenths; John Quincy Adams and Tazewell, six and one-tenth; even Clay cannot be called a conservative, for he, with Calhoun, M’Duffie, and others, go the length of three-tenths of an inch more than the average of men in the destructive line.