CHEAP TRAVELING.
A youth of more vanity than talent, bragging that during his travels he never troubled his father for remittances, and being asked how he lived on the road, answered, "By my wits." "Then," replied his friend, "you must have traveled very cheaply."
NAUTICAL POLEMICS.
Two sailors on board of a man of war had a sort of religious dispute over their grog, in which one of them referred to the apostle Paul. "He was no apostle," said the other; and this minor question, after much altercation, they agreed to refer to the boatswain's mate, who after some consideration declared "that Paul was certainly never rated as an apostle on the books, because he is not in the list, which consisted only of twelve; but then he was an acting apostle."
THE BEST CUSTOMERS.
Dr. Radcliff and Dr. Case being together in a jovial company over their bottle, the former, filling his glass, said, "Come, brother Case, here's to all the fools that are your patients." "I thank you, my wise brother Radcliff," answered Case, "let me have all the fools, and you are heartily welcome to all the rest of the practice."
A WEST INDIA LEGISLATOR.
In the Jamaica House of Assembly, a motion being made for leave to bring in a bill to prevent the frauds of wharfingers, Mr. Paul Phipps, member for St. Andrew, rose and said, "Mr. Speaker, I second the motion; the wharfingers are to a man a set of rogues; I know it well; I was one myself for ten years."
THY OWN MOUTH SHALL CONDEMN THEE.
A player applied to the manager of a respectable country company for an engagement for himself and his wife, stating that his lady was capable of all the first line of business; but as to himself, he was the worst actor in the world. They were engaged, and the lady answered the character given of her. The husband having had the part of a mere walking gentleman sent him for his first appearance, asked the manager, indignantly, how he could put him into so paltry a part. "Sir," answered the other, "here is your own letter, stating that you are the worst actor in the world." "True," replied the other, "but then I had not seen you."