"You are an impudent scoundrel, and I have a great mind to have you laid by the heels. What is your name, fellow?"
"Henry, Duke of Montague."
A LESSON.
A miser having heard of another still more parsimonious than himself, waited on him to gain instruction. He found him reading over a small lamp, and having explained the cause of his visit, "If that be all," said the other, "we may as well put out the lamp, we can converse full as well in the dark." "I am satisfied," said the former, "that as an economist I am much your inferior, and I shall not fail to profit by this lesson."
A LEGISLATOR.
An Irish member, adverting to the great number of suicides that had occurred, moved for leave to bring in a bill to make it a capital offence!
DEAR WINE.
Mr. Elwes, who united the most rigid parsimony with the most gentlemanly sentiments, received a present of some very fine wine from a wine merchant, who knew that nothing could so win his heart as small gifts. It had the effect to obtain from him the loan of several hundred pounds. Mr. Elwes, who could never ask a gentleman for money, and who was a perfect philosopher as to his losses, used jocularly to say, "It was indeed very fine wine; for it cost him twenty pounds a bottle."
A GOOD HIT.
A gentleman being out a-shooting with Mr. Elwes, missed a dozen times successively. At length, firing at a covey of partridges, he lodged two pellets in Mr. Elwes's cheek, which gave him considerable pain; but on the other apologizing, and expressing his sorrow for the unfortunate accident, "My dear Sir," said the old man, "I give you joy of your improvement; I knew you would hit something by and by."