A BRAGGADOCIO REPROVED.
An officer relating his feats to the Marshal de Bessompiere, said, that in a sea-fight he had killed 300 men with his own hand: "And I," said the Marshal, "descended through a chimney in Switzerland to visit a pretty girl." "How could that be," said the captain, "since there are no chimneys in that country?" "What, Sir!" said the Marshal, "I have allowed you to kill 300 men in a fight, and surely you may permit me to descend a chimney in Switzerland."
MRS. MUNCHAUSEN.
A traveled London lady gives the following incident, among others, to a circle of admiring friends, on her return from America: "I was a dinin' haboard a first-class steamboat on the Hoeigho river. The gentleman next me, on my right, was a Southerner, and the gentleman on my left was a Northerner. Well, they gets into a kind of discussion on the habbolition question, when some 'igh words hariz. 'Please to retract, Sir,' said the Southerner. 'Won't do it,' said the Northerner. 'Pray, ma'am,' said the Southerner, 'will you 'ave the goodness to lean back in your chair?' 'With the greatest pleasure,' said I, not knowin' what was a comin'. When what does my gentleman do but whips out an 'oss pistil as long as my harm, and shoots my left 'and neighbor dead! But that wasn't hall! for the bullet, comin' out of the left temple, wounded a lady in the side. She huttered an 'orrifick scream. 'Pon my word, ma'am,' said the Southerner, 'you needn't make so much noise about it, for I did it by a mistake.'" "And was justice done the murderer?" asked a horrified listener. "Hinstantly, dear madam," answered Miss L——. "The cabin passengers set right to work, and lynched him. They 'ung 'im in the lamp chains right hover the dinin' table, and then finished the dessert. But for my part, it quite spoiled my happetite."
OLD BABES.
A Hibernian, seeing an old man and woman in the stocks, said that they put him in mind of "the babes in the wood."
A SELL.
The river Monitor tells the following story:
A countryman (farmer) went into a store in Boston, the other day, and told the keeper that a neighbor of his had entrusted him some money to expend to the best advantage, and he meant to do it where he would be the best treated. He had been used very ill by the traders in Boston, and he would not part with his neighbor's money until he had found a man who would treat him about right. With the utmost suavity the trader says:
"I think I can treat you to your liking; how do you want to be treated?"