And raise a philosophic reek,
And, physically, causes seek
In clime and season;
But tell me Whisky’s name in Greek,
I’ll tell the reason.—Burns.
On the morning after the business of the playhouse happened,[[13]] I had to take my breakfast in my bed,—a thing very uncommon for me, being generally up by cock-craw, except on Sunday mornings whiles, when ilka ane, according to the bidding of the Fourth Commandment, has a license to do as he likes,—having a desperate sore head, and a squeamishness at the stomach, occasioned, I jalouse, in a great measure from what Mr Glen and me had discussed at Widow Grassie’s, in the shape of warm toddy, over our cracks concerning what is called the agricultural and the manufacturing interests. So our wife, puir body, pat a thimbleful of brandy—Thomas Mixem’s real—into my first cup of tea, which had a wonderful virtue in putting all things to rights; so that I was up and had shapit a pair of leddy’s corsets (an article in which I sometimes dealt) before ten o’clock, though, the morning being gey cauld, I didna dispense with my Kilmarnock.
[13]. See ante, “My First and Last Play,” p. [394].
At eleven in the forenoon, or thereabouts,—maybe five minutes before or after, but nae matter,—in comes my crony Maister Glen, rather dazed-like about the een, and wi’ a large piece of white sticking-plaister, about half-a-nail wide, across one of his cheeks, and over the brig o’ his nose; giving him a wauff, outlandish, and rather blackguard sort of appearance, so that I was a thocht uneasy at what neebours might surmeese concerning our intimacy; but the honest man accounted for the thing in a very feasible manner, from the falling down on that side of his head of one of the brass candlesticks, while he was lying on his braidside, before ane of the furms in the stramash.
His purpose of calling was to tell me that he couldna leave the town without looking in upon me to bid me fareweel; mair betoken, as he intended sending in his son Mungo wi’ the carrier for a trial, to see how the line of life pleased him, and how I thocht he wad answer—a thing which I was glad came from his side of the house, being likely to be in the upshot the best for both parties. Yet I thocht he wad find our way of doing so canny and comfortable, that it wasna very likely he could ever start objections; and I must confess, that I lookit forrit with nae sma’ degree of pride, seeing the probability of my sune having the son of a Lammermuir farmer sitting cross-leggit, cheek for jowl wi’ me, on the board, and bound to serve me at all lawful times, by night and day, by a regular indenture of five years. Maister Glen insisted on the laddie having a three months’ trial; and then, after a wee show of standing out, just to make him aware that I could be elsewhere fitted if I had a mind, I agreed that the request was reasonable, and that I had nae yearthly objections to conforming wi’t. So, after giein’ him his meridian, and a bit of shortbread, we shook hands, and parted in the understanding, that his son would arrive on the tap of limping Jamie the carrier’s cart, in the course, say, of a fortnight.
Through the hale course of the forepart of the day, I remained geyan queerish, as if something was working about my inwards, and a droll pain atween my een. The wife saw the case I was in, and advised me, for the sake of the fresh air, to take a step into the bit garden, and try a hand at the spade, the smell of the fresh earth being likely to operate as a cordial; but na—it wadna do; and whan I came in at ane o’clock to my dinner, the steam of the fresh broth, instead of making me feel as usual as hungry as a hawk, was like to turn my stamach, while the sight of the sheep’s-head, ane o’ the primest anes I had seen the hale season, made me as sick as a dog; so I could dae naething but take a turn out again, and swig awa’ at the sma’ beer that never seemed able to slocken my drouth. At lang and last, I mindit having heard Andrew Redbeak, the excise-offisher, say, that naething ever pat him right after a debosh, except something they ca’ a bottle of soda-water; so my wife dispatched Benjie to the place where he kent it could be found, and he returned in a jiffie with a thing like a blacking-bottle below his daidly, as he was bidden. There being a wire ower the cork, for some purpose or ither, or maybe just to look neat, we had some fight to get it torn away, but at last we succeeded. I had turned about for a jug, and the wife was rummaging for a screw, while Benjie was fiddling away wi’ his fingers at the cork—sauf us! a’ at ance it gaed a thud like thunder, driving the cork ower puir Benjie’s head, while it spouted up in his een like a fire-engine, and I had only just time to throw down the jug, and up with the bottle to my mouth. Luckily, for the sixpence it cost, there was a drap o’t left, which tasted by all the world just like brisk dish-washings; but, for a’ that, it had a wonderful power of setting me to rights; and my noddle in a while began to clear up, like a March-day after a heavy shower.