There are many indications of character which may seem trivial in the eyes of some of you, but which ought to be deemed danger signals in regard to married life in the future. For instance, an occasional giving way to intemperance. Jesting about sacred things or passages from the Bible. Breaches of faith in minor matters. Disregard of truth, duplicity or evasion. Lavish expenditure and indifference about incurring debts. Carelessness as to the comfort and convenience of other members of the family, and want of respect towards parents.
These are but a few of the tendencies which are almost certain to develop into habits later in life, and to bring anxiety and sorrow with them.
A girl can make no greater mistake than to think that, after marriage, her influence alone will suffice to conquer all such tendencies. A man naturally tries to present the best side of his character to the girl he seeks to win, and if the best is disfigured by serious blemishes, believe me, these will be more likely to grow than to disappear after marriage.
Not that I would underrate the possible influence of a good woman. But to a good girl I would say, “Let your suitor, who is ready to promise anything if you will say ‘yes’ to his suit, begin his work of reformation now. Tell him frankly that your heart inclines to favour him, but conscience warns you not to link your life with his until you feel that the habits which threaten your future happiness have been overcome by God-given strength. Say that you will wait, prayerfully and patiently, during the testing-time, but that you dare not consent to an unequal yoke. If he truly loves you he will receive your answer in a right spirit, and will value and respect you the more for it.”
If, on the contrary, he should prove unwilling to turn from the sin which so easily besets him, be assured that the test has been wisely applied, and thank God that you had the courage to use it. If we do right at all costs to our own inclinations, we may with confidence leave our future in God’s hands, and be sure that He will have some better thing in store for us in His own good time.
You, my dear ones, must, however, look within, as well as at all that can be discerned in the characters of those who come to woo you. A true heart should have its counterpart in exchange. If one is offered, see that you give an equivalent, and do not dare to accept that for which you can give no fair return.
To accept true affection only because of the money or position that comes with it, and to feign the love you do not feel in order to secure a share of the wealth you covet, is to commit a fraud of the worst and most contemptible kind. You cannot, it is true, be called to account before an earthly tribunal, but you will assuredly pay the penalty of deceit and selfishness in one way or another.
There are some girls, dear good girls too, who get a little carried away by the sense of power and proprietorship that comes with an engagement.
Does it not seem delightful to look up at the fine, strong sample of humanity, whom love has made your captive, and to think to yourself, “He is ready to give his strength, his means, his time, all that he has, to promote my happiness”?
Does the thought of such honest devotion make you proud or humble; anxious to display your power or to repay and deserve such devotion?