Who has not heard such words as these from girlish lips? “I can twist him round my little finger.” “He almost worships the ground I tread on.” And forthwith the speaker proceeds to prove the truth of her assertion by little, teasing, coquettish ways that are unworthy to have a place where true love is concerned. These airs and graces and tantalising ways are only like pin pricks, but they wound and leave scars which do not easily wear away.
The more tender and sincere is the nature with which you have to do, the more likely is it to retain the painful impression produced by such methods. I am not going to describe them exactly. You all know what I mean, and, in your hearts, acknowledge that they are unworthy accompaniments even to your self-respect, to say nothing of the esteem which should always go with love for your future mate.
If you believe in your fiancé’s truth, be content without compelling him to make a perpetual show of his devotion for the gratification of your vanity. Good men are pained by such experiments; men of lower natures are apt to retaliate, though, it may be, not immediately.
A husband of many years’ standing once told me that a few words, half jesting, half taunting, from the girl to whom he was engaged, had nearly caused a final parting. They did not, for the girl, finding that she had gone too far, expressed her regret and was forgiven. But the effect of her stinging words did not soon pass away. The girl forgot them. The man’s memory was too faithful, and after a long married life he could not think of them without a renewal of the old pain. “I would give anything to blot out the memory of that girlish taunt,” he said, “but I cannot, and it hurts me after all these years!”
A good man I knew said to the girl who had just promised to be his wife, “I have asked you to share my home and my life because you are dearer to me than all the world besides. Your consent has made me very happy. Now, dear, I want you to trust me fully, and never to stoop to test my affection, as I have seen some girls do, in order to display their power over a man. I have perfect confidence in you, and, though we shall be parted for some months to come, I shall be cheered by the thought that at the end of them our real life union will begin. If at any time you should not receive a letter just when you look for it, or my coming should be delayed, be sure that I have not willingly disappointed you. Wait patiently, and trust me under all circumstances, as I trust you.”
The girl promised. The quiet, simple words and the look of love and faith in the speaker’s face went to her heart. “Come what may, I shall always trust you,” she said, “whether in great or little things.”
Circumstances followed—quite unforeseen at the time the pair became engaged—which tested to the utmost the affection and trust of both. But they stood the test, and when at length difficulties were overcome, their union was not the less happy, because, if they had trodden a somewhat thorny road before reaching the bright home they shared together, neither doubt nor waning affection had helped to darken the way.
Sweethearts and wives have such grand opportunities for showing their power that they need not stoop from the high standpoint, at which every truly noble-minded woman aims, in order to gratify petty vanity.
The girl fiancée and the wife are alike unequal to lover or husband in mere physical strength. That is natural, and therefore right. But in time of trouble many a man, ready to sink under the weight of it, has gained new strength and courage from her whom he has hitherto deemed the weaker vessel. Her words may have been few, but they have always been suggestive of hope and cheer, and said at the right moment.
There has been no “I told you how it would be,” no allusion to mistakes made or the ignoring of advice which would have prevented them, but pity for him who is only too acutely conscious of all that has been wrong. Yet, when gloom and despair were about the man’s path and in his heart, both have fled before a wife’s devoted ministry and the light of love on her face. Perhaps she has told him that she knows their changed circumstances trouble him more on her account than on his own, but that, with him, she is strong to face them, and she proves it by patient endurance and by making the best of all things. He sees that she resolutely turns her face to the bright side—and I truly believe there always is a bright side—and thus she induces him to open his despairing eyes to the light, though as yet it may be only a distant glimmer hard to discern.