But let me plunge at once in medias res; and let me mention, before we proceed further, that my statistics will be illustrated by scientific diagrams, invented by myself without the assistance of any man, woman, or child whatsoever.
Any ordinary intelligent person must have observed that human beings differ in many things, and especially in personal appearance. This is an absolute fact. And here is a terrible field for the fiend aforementioned. I begin at once, and I herewith give a diagram, which I am able to produce after years of observation. The number of dots inside the circle in Fig. 1 represents, with great accuracy, the number of men—and women, for that matter—in every hundred, who are born bald. In order to spare the reader the trouble of counting the dots, I have counted them myself, and find there are one hundred. The reader can count them in Fig. 2 for himself, without any undue strain. This figure represents the percentage of men with green whiskers.
FIG. 1. THESE 100 DOTS SHOW HOW MANY PEOPLE PER CENT. ARE BORN BALD.
FIG. 2. PERCENTAGE OF MEN WITH GREEN WHISKERS.
Talking of hair reminds me, and so in Fig. 3 I give another diagram, which shows at a glance the number per cent, of red-headed men who are thoroughly convinced that their hair—if any—is any colour under the sun except red. I have counted the crosses in the hundred squares, and find there are ninety-eight; the ninety-ninth man is colour-blind as a rule, and the hundredth hasn't got any hair; so neither cares a rap.
FIG. 3 SHOWS THE NUMBER PER CENT. OF RED-HEADED MEN WHO DENY THE RIGHT COLOUR OF THEIR HAIR.
From hair we pass, by an easy transition, to the average monthly magazine. Let us put down its average composition diagramatically. Let us represent by the first cube the size of the paper, the whole paper, and nothing but the paper. The other three cubes explain themselves and that, by the way, is what scientific diagrams are sometimes not very guilty of.