“And what followed, Mr Rivers?” said the doctor.
“Wha-hat followed! Why, you-oo would have thought the fellow was stuck, or af-flicted with my own impediment; but after some attempts he stammered out, ‘Oh, every person knows I was only in jest.’ ‘Ho! ho! my boy,’ said I, ‘but every person here shall know that I ne-ever was more in earnest. If I be a fool, my money’s no fool. Ho! ho! gentlemen, you enjoyed your jokes at my expense; but it’s an old saying, he may laugh that wins; the tables a-a-are turned, and it’s my time now, I presume.’”
“And, Mr Anderson,” said the doctor, “did all present quietly submit to the imposition?”
“Why, to tell the truth, every sowl in the place was dumfoundered, and stared at each other like as mony idiots. The cant-master made some new objection about ruining him, but Jack very glibly replied, ‘The sale is good and lawful. After more than three bids, the property was knocked down to me. The terms have been duly complied with, the deposit tendered before witnesses, and here is the remainder of the purchase money at your service when the deeds are perfected. I grant you were more merry than wise on this occasion; and if you wish to know whom you have to deal with, it may be sufficient to inform you that I am Snap Rivers of the Doaghs; you have likely heard the name before;’ and out he marched as cool as a cucumber.”
The rector knew less of his parishioner than did the rest of the party; he therefore listened in amazement to the relation; but when the host had concluded, as if to assure himself that he was not dreaming, he said, “And, Mr Anderson, did all this really occur?”
“I’faith I assure you it did.”
“And is it possible that you could lend yourself to so nefarious and disreputable a transaction?”
“It’s no the first time Jack has made a tool o’ me,” said the simple-minded host: “he inveigled me there just to make a witness o’ me. I was innocently led into the affair; but besides what you have heard, I have neither more nor less to do with it.”
“And do you really intend to retain the property, Mr Rivers?” warmly inquired the indignant rector.
“Do I intend to retain it! Lord, how simple you would appear! Ho! ho! retain it! to be sure I will, and a very good thing it is, let me tell you.”