Hierocles' Facetiae.
1. An irritable man went to visit a sick friend, and asked him concerning his health. The patient was so ill that he could not reply; whereupon the other in a rage said, "I hope that I may soon fall sick, and then I will not answer you when you visit me."
2. A speculative gentleman, wishing to teach his horse to do without food, starved him to death. "I had a great loss," said he; "for, just as he learned to live without eating, he died."
3. A curious inquirer, desirous to know how he looked when asleep, sat with closed eyes before a mirror.
4. A young man told his friend that he dreamed that he had struck his foot against a sharp nail. "Why then do you sleep without your shoes?" was the reply.
5. A robustious countryman, meeting a physician, ran to hide behind a wall; being asked the cause, he replied, "It is so long since I have been sick, that I am ashamed to look a physician in the face."
6. A gentleman had a cask of Aminean wine, from which his servant stole a large quantity. When the master perceived the deficiency, he diligently inspected the top of the cask but could find no traces of an opening. "Look if there be not a hole in the bottom," said a bystander. "Blockhead," he replied, "do you not see that the deficiency is at the top, and not at the bottom?"
7. A young man meeting an acquaintance, said, "I heard that you were dead."—"But," says the other, "you see me alive."—"I do not know how that may be," replied he: "you are a notorious liar, but my informant was a person of credit."
8. A man, hearing that a raven would live two hundred years, bought one to try.
9. During a storm, the passengers on board a vessel that appeared in danger seized different implements to aid them in swimming, and one of the number selected for this purpose the anchor.