A Scotchwoman said that the butcher of her town only killed half a beast at a time.
A British magistrate, on being told by a vagabond that he was not married, responded: "That's a good thing for your wife."
A Portuguese mayor enumerated, among the marks by which the body of a drowned man might be identified when found, "a marked impediment in his speech."
A Frenchman, contentedly laying his head upon a large stone jar for a pillow, said it was not hard because he had previously stuffed it with hay.
An American lecturer solemnly said one evening: "Parents, you may have children; or, if not, your daughters may have."
Two Scotchmen were discussing the relative merits of churchyards and cemeteries when one of them boldly expressed his aversion to the latter in the remark, "I'd raither no dee ava than be buried in sic a place"; to which his companion retorted, "Weel, if I'm spared in life an' health, I'll gang naewhere else."
The Part of Chance in Progress.
Fortunate Accidents Frequently Have Opened the Way to the Discovery of
Important Truths Before the Searchlights of Science and
Invention Were Brought Into Play.